What Facebook Has Taught Me

There is a right way and a wrong way to use Facebook. The right way is to keep in touch with family and friends, and share pictures occasionally. The wrong way is to post pictures of your underwear collection (or of yourself IN underwear), update your status every 5 minutes and #writelikethis, and the absolute worst way…is starting drama. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to be judgmental. After all, the Facebook users who cause drama can be quite entertaining.

One of my Facebook “friends” has a lot of drama in his life. He has deactivated his Facebook account several times in the past, trying to get away from it all. He thinks drama is attracted to him, but the truth is, HE’S the one starting it. Almost two years ago, I noticed that he was in a relationship with this girl who looked young and stupid in love. Then I noticed a few interesting posts on his wall from a DIFFERENT girl. Naturally, I checked out the new girl’s profile and saw that she was “in a relationship.” Then I noticed that my “friend” was posting lovey-dovey things on her wall. So I was like, “Oh no, he didn’t! He’s dating two girls at the same time!” I found this highly entertaining and sad. His “official” girlfriend was posting stuff about how everyone was judging her boyfriend, but she loved him no matter what they said. YAWN. The “homewrecker” girl was talking shit and leaving sexy little comments on the guy’s pictures. Way to be obvious.

One day, I stumbled upon his profile and realized he had changed his status to “in a relationship” and had removed the “official” girlfriend’s name. UH-OH. If I remember correctly, the “official” girlfriend’s status had changed to “engaged” and had his name listed. “Engaged, what the F? When did this happen?” So she was still oblivious at that point. Eventually, my “friend” and “homewrecker” girl publicly acknowledged their relationship by tagging each other in their relationship status. The “official” girlfriend was officially dumped and broken-hearted. The new couple filled each other’s walls with crap posts and crap pictures. And sure enough, a few weeks later, they were over. So sad.

Then about a year ago, my “friend” found himself a new girl. She seemed just as naïve as the other two. (All the girls were a few years younger than he was.) This new girl wrote on his wall EVERY DAY, sharing with the WHOLE WORLD how much she loved him, how they were meant to be, how the haters could just shut up because they were NEVER going to break them up, blah-blah-blah. If you need to declare your love PUBLICLY on Facebook, there’s obviously something wrong with your relationship. They took A MILLION pictures together, and it was SO CUTE…gag me. There was plenty of drama for a while, haters talking shit, the couple defending their super serious, super special 3-month long relationship. Suddenly, all was quiet because he had deactivated his Facebook account again.

He reappeared about a month ago, and to my surprise, they were still together. Even more to my surprise, he posted a picture of a newborn baby…his son. “When the hell did that happen? I feel so lost.” I didn’t think they’d been together long enough to have had a baby. That’s when I discovered a picture of his new girlfriend with a baby bump. A NEW baby bump, as she was currently three months pregnant. Obviously, the newborn baby was not hers because she couldn’t possibly be three months pregnant if she had JUST given birth. I was shocked, but not really. I was impressed that they were still together, after he fathered a son with another “woman.” She was still writing about how much she loved him and how happy they were to be expecting a child. AWWW. Too bad this wasn’t a first for him.

Back to present day. Yesterday, I noticed a post from my “friend” stating that he’s sick of all the drama and will be deleting his Facebook account AGAIN. So I rolled my eyes and wondered, “What happened this time?” I know I shouldn’t care but I immediately checked out his profile. It turns out that he’s no longer in a relationship or Facebook friends with this poor pregnant girl, but I have no idea when or why that happened. I backtracked and noticed another girl (not the one who recently had his baby either) posting on his wall. She was being MORE THAN OBVIOUS about the fact that she was currently WITH HIM. So I thought, “OMG, what is wrong with you people? And why do I care?” But I clicked on her name anyway to check things out. Sure enough, she was listed as being “in a relationship” and I’m sure it’s with him. I also noticed a link that her best friend had posted, and was shocked when I saw who it was. Her best friend is the “homewrecker” from the beginning of this crazy story! Are you as shocked as I am? Of course not, you don’t give a shit.

I guess if I HAVE TO make a point, it’s that people need to be a little more careful with the shit they share on Facebook. I should not have had the opportunity to be so entertained by all that dating drama. If you’re gonna be a lying, cheating, two-timing scumbag, try to be a little less obvious about it. Maybe date ONE person at a time, preferably someone your own age, and you might want to consider wrapping up your tool so you don’t end up with a THIRD child. And don’t bitch about drama following you everywhere you go if YOU’RE the one starting it. Try keeping a low profile. That, my friends, would be the correct way to use Facebook.

If the person I’m writing about happens to google something that leads him to this post, I am SO very sorry. But nobody here knows who you are, what your name is, or what you look like. So, you know, it’s not so bad, right?

~Lily~