Things I Can’t Stand – Part 7

**This has been in my drafts since 2018. But eh, why the heck not?**

It’s been a while since I’ve posted in this category. I know, just when you thought I had given up on that stupid series, BAM! There I go again. It’s tough being a Don’t Quote Lily reader. I feel your pain. Anyway, rather than focus on ONE stupid thing, (because I have the attention span of a child) I thought I would talk about several stupid things. Everybody say YAY!! No? Fine, let’s get to business then.

Stupid/Annoying Things

1. White shirt, black bra. COME ON, ladies. Why do so many women do this? I just need an answer that makes sense. Wearing a black bra under a white shirt is the exact opposite of common sense. It’s uncommon sense. It’s common non-sense. Stop the madness! P.S. It’s also kind of slutty.

2. Premium gas. Why don’t they ever advertise the price of premium gas on those big, bright signs? You don’t know how much you’re paying for premium until you pull up to the pump. Just because MOST people use regular, doesn’t mean that NO one uses premium. Get with the program!

3. Left turns. I hate left turns on streets with no left turn light. Just turning left out of the parking lot at work is a pain in the ass, and can take minutes…MINUTES! On both ends of the road, there are lights. But the thing is, there’s never a break in cars, because you have two streets that turn onto this road, so when one is red, the other is green, and vice versa, so it never ends!

4. Car accidents. It’s not raining, snowing, nothing is falling out of the sky. SO, what is your excuse for crashing into the car in front of you? I just don’t understand how there are so many stupid drivers out there. FOCUS, people!

5. Airline fees. Especially on United. You pay for the ticket (which to me means you’re paying for a seat) but then, only a small number of seats are “free.” The majority are another $50-$80 on top of the price of the ticket. My other pet peeve is the fee you have to pay if your luggage exceeds the weight limit. Say you pay $25 for one checked bag. But if it’s a pound over, then you have to pay another $100?! Meanwhile, if you take the extra weight out of the suitcase and onto your carry-on, it’s all still going on the plane. So please tell me why you need to charge an extra $100 to keep it in your suitcase? And what about people? You may have 100 passengers who average 140 pounds. But then you have one person who weights 250, 300 pounds. Are you gonna charge them extra? SMH.

Welp, I think that’s it for this super random post.

~Lily~

A Piece Of Me

Hello, world. Or, hello to the three of you. I thought it was time for a quick update. 1 out of 3 of you may recall that I was pregnant last time I posted. Guess what? Not anymore! Little Sofia was born on Friday, July 31st at 11:27 am. She weighed 8.5 pounds, and measured 20.75 inches long. Beautiful and healthy, with a head FULL of dark hair. She was bigger than anyone expected. I was all belly, and everyone swore I’d have a 6 or 7 pounder. BUT NOPE! She surprised us all. My husband says she came out with her arm sticking out, like making a fist. Almost as if she was saying, “Woohoo, I did it!” Yeah, she did feel a little funny on the way out, so that explains it. I was so busy trying to catch my breath, that it took me a few minutes before I thought to ask, “Wait, is she still a girl?” Haha.

All things considered, I had a pretty good birth experience. I was told I pushed for 45 minutes or so, no more than an hour. I was TOLD this, because I seriously do NOT remember. When you’re in that much pain, you have no concept of time. I mean, it obviously felt like forever in the moment. I had contractions all day Thursday, but they became really intense around midnight/early Friday. Oddly enough, I was very calm that whole day with contractions. It’s like I still couldn’t believe that I would actually be giving birth soon. Even when I made it to the hospital, it felt unreal. My whole pregnancy felt that way though.

I have a high tolerance for pain but WOW… Words cannot describe that kind of pain. They should come up with a new word for contractions, because that one just doesn’t do it justice. At one point I even begged for them to cut me open to get her out, haha. I was not eligible for an epidural due to low blood platelets. Would have been too risky. I thought my face might explode from pushing, not to mention my lungs. Pushing is hard, people. I felt out of breath for a week or two afterwards.

Almost immediately after giving birth though, it’s almost like it never even happened. All of a sudden, there’s a tiny human on your chest, and you wonder, “What do I do now? Did the doctor leave the manual somewhere?” I never imagined how stressful and overwhelming life as a mom would be. BUT every day gets a little easier. Everyone kept telling me that, but those first couple of weeks, you find it hard to believe. I cried a lot. But as hard as it is to be a sleep-deprived slave to a newborn, at the end of the day, I just remember that we have a beautiful, healthy baby girl, and that’s all we can ask for. That, and maybe a bit less fussing and crying. But it is what it is! My husband and my parents have helped keep me sane. And whenever I feel really overwhelmed, I look at my baby and think, “Wow…we made a baby…an actual human being. How amazing is that?” I find it mind-boggling how a tiny egg and a tiny swimmer can create a perfect little human! Part of me still can’t believe I’m a mom. I mean, I have a daughter… What?!

Anyway, I think I’m mostly rambling, so I’ll stop here. With a couple pictures, of course!

Because, Why Not?

Hello? Is there anyone out there? Don’t want to show yourself? That’s cool, I’m quite experienced in the art of talking to myself. It’s not something to brag about though…

I haven’t the slightest clue what brought me here after months…MONTHS! Poor neglected blog that no one gives two figs about. I stopped writing, stopped getting readers, stopped caring…sort of. Had nothing to say anymore. But today I came back here and remembered how much fun I had with this in the beginning. I loved interacting with all you internet strangers. This is not to say I’m back. But I thought I’d give at least one more life update, because, why not? Who’s gonna stop me?

I am now 34 weeks pregnant, with a baby girl. I can’t believe how quickly these 8 months have gone. I still feel like I only JUST announced my pregnancy. Still haven’t quite wrapped my head around the fact that I’m gonna be a mom…a MOM! *Deep breath* Holy shit, that’s a scary thought! I haven’t so much as held a baby in SO MANY YEARS, I can’t even tell you. I’m afraid that when they hand her to me, I’m gonna feel completely clueless. But hopefully that whole mother’s instinct thing is real, and everything will just click, and I won’t be a total dummy.

On the plus side, I already love her, so that’s a start, right? At the end of the day, no one is born knowing how to be a mom. Sure, some people have experience, say, with changing diapers, but I’ll get there! I’m trying not to stress about how quickly time is going, though it’s hard not to. Still need to find a pediatrician, finish buying baby gear, and get the nursery together. I hope we get a chance to paint her room between this weekend and next. I think it’ll feel more real once we have a room that LOOKS like it’s meant for a baby, rather than the randomness that it is now. We shall see.

So yeah, I’m here, still pregnant, super uncomfortable, but otherwise okay. If you’re out there, I hope all is well with you too. And if no one’s reading this, well then…you suck. 🙂

~Lily~

Yes, I’m Positive…

Hello, world. I thought I’d give this a try again. You should know that, having been away from the blogging scene for so long, I have become a little shy, perhaps needy, and desperate for approval. (Slight exaggeration.) If only 2 or 3 people like/comment on this post, I will be heart-broken and possibly never post again. Just a little something to keep in mind.

I have some news to share. First a quick update on my life. I got engaged December 2013. We bought and moved into our first home in August 2014. We are still unmarried (but will be resolving that soon). Mostly it’s because planning a wedding in Puerto Rico (where we have tons of family) is way too stressful for a lazy person such as myself. I also don’t have enough vacation days to deal with that. So city hall it is. Are you judging me? It’s not that I’m unromantic. It’s just that at the end of the day, I want him to be my husband. I don’t need all the bells and whistles, all the stress of planning, all the costs associated with that. I never dreamed of a big, white wedding, so I don’t feel like I’m missing out.

This leads me to my news. Drum-roll… WAKE UP! Did you just fall asleep on me? I’m devasted, truly. SOOOO… I am here to announce that…I’M PREGNANT!!! Just one more reason why city hall seems like the best option. Anyway, see below for evidence. We are excited, and yes, absolutely terrified. But it’s been on our minds, and it’s something we wanted to happen in the near future. It happened now, so that’s great! I will surely freak out along the way. I am waiting for the panic attack that I know I’m overdue for. I know nothing about babies (except they poop, they eat, they sleep, they cry…a lot). But I suppose no one is born KNOWING exactly what to do in every situation, right? I’ll figure it out…meh? Sure, my body may never recover. Sure, I may never sleep again. And sure, I won’t be able to save up as much money, but hey! It’ll be fun, right? Ummmm…

If anyone’s reading this, I will try to update you guys as I get more round and squishy. Right now, I’m about 13 weeks. Let the adventure begin! Until then…

Don’t scroll down until you’ve read the post…

No really, you have to read the post first.

It’s not like it’s that long of a post.

If you scroll down first, you’ll ruin everything.

Are you even listening to me?

Seriously, stop right now…

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~Lily~

From The Vault – Irrelevant Adventure Not Even Worth Mentioning But…

Hello, if anyone’s even out there… I haven’t posted in MONTHS. Kind of sad, but not really. I thought I’d share one of my old posts again. Why? I don’t know, because I can? If no one reads it, then perhaps I was meant to not post anything all these months. Who knows…

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Never, under any circumstances, wear sandals when you’re hiking. Did you know that? Oh, you did? Well, so did I. I just needed to confirm it, that’s all. Kind of like I needed to confirm that our apartment building was strong enough, so I took my car and crashed into it. The apartment held up just fine. Building strength confirmed. (Um, I really did crash into a brick wall, if you don’t believe me.)

Right, back to the “hiking.” (I use that word loosely.) My parents were babysitting two of my little cousins for two days. One day we’d focus on cousin number 1, and the second day on cousin number 2. I kid you. On Monday, we went to a park, complete with two play areas. Monkey bars, slides, drawbridge thing, random crap you climb up. Everything except swings. I know, I was highly disappointed too. I sucked it up and pulled through anyway. You’re never too old to jump up and down on the drawbridge thing or go down a slide or two. (I’m also secretly proud of the fact that I was also able to go UP the slide. Total pro.) At some point, I became the monster. There was no explanation, no talk of game rules or characters, nothing. I was just chosen to be the monster, and when the kids started running away from me, I figured they were being serious. So I went with it and it was fun.

On Tuesday, mom announced that they were going to the park around the same time as the previous day, so I decided to tag along. I stupidly assumed it would be the same park, but duh, that would be boring. Who does that? So whatever, I had sandals on, because sandals are totally fine when you’re going up/down a slide. Not so much when you go to a park that involves nature…and nature involves trails…and trails involve gravel roads…and gravel roads involve tree roots…and tree roots involve tripping and falling on your arse. (If you say arse, it’s not cursing.)

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I hate sneakers (because they make my feet look big and because they’re just not cute), but at that moment, I would have given anything for my sneakers to just magically appear. I waited, I prayed, I cursed…alas, they never materialized. We started up the trail. I know, UP…you know what that means? It means that in order to get back, I’d have to go DOWN…in sandals…over ROCKS…great. What the hell did I get myself into? These rocks were full of creepy red spiders on high-speed stilts…LOTS of spiders. Yuck.

If you haven’t rolled your eyes yet, go ahead, roll them. Get it out of your system. But really, my life is so dull, what did you expect? We finally stopped and turned around. I know it seems overly dramatic but I was truly worried about this moment. I took the tiniest steps anyone could possibly take. I put all my weight into my ankles and feet, pretending they were claws that could stick to the ground. And I held onto my mom’s arm for dear life. I didn’t think it was possible to go DOWNHILL so slowly but it is. Despite all these precautions, I felt gravity start to do its work. One stupid red spider, one stupid sandal-wearing idiot, and down I went, taking my poor mom with me. Sorry mom. Actually…that’s kinda-sorta, absolutely, not in the least bit true. We all made it down safely. I’m so ashamed…how incredibly lame of me to NOT get injured. But if it counts for anything, it was fun (the kids caught a frog) and I’m now 100% sure that you are not supposed to wear sandals to a park.

Anyway, in my last post I promised my next post would be better. I lied. Please don’t unfollow me. So, hold your breath for next time!

~Lily~

Just a Bit of News…

This blog post contains highly important, shocking, exciting information. For me. Frankly, you might not give a shit.

I have made a huge, life-altering decision in the last few weeks. Something that affects myself, my fiance, my family. Something that I can not take back. I’ve had moments of excitement, then doubt, then happiness, and then doubt again. Lots of confusion and indecision. Lots of wishing I could go back to being a kid, and not having to make such a huge, grown-up decision. But alas, I cannot stop what’s been unleashed………… I am having a sex change.

I am totally and completely 100% kidding. Did I just cross a line? I do have news that doesn’t require surgery of any kind. Although, a brain scan couldn’t hurt, considering I may or may not be out of my mind. My fiance and I are in the process of…buying our first home! In New Jersey. This is a huge deal, considering my fiance doesn’t really want to live here forever, when it would be so much cheaper to move to Puerto Rico. So a house means we’re sticking it out…for at least 5-10 years. It’s amazeballs. Anyway, this whole thing happened rather quickly. We just happened to go to an open house one Sunday, where we happened to be pleasantly surprised by what we saw. It was priced relatively low, and looked relatively good. Granted, it’s a much older home, so it has its issues here and there, mostly minor fixes. But it’s the first house I’ve walked into that exceeded expectations. Normally, I walk into a house thinking it’ll look as great as the pictures, only to be disappointed in the end. This house in that town at that price definitely intrigued me.

Since putting in the offer, nothing has gone as planned. For one thing, they weren’t supposed to accept it. Lol. The seller’s agent had said, “Multiple offers received. Submit highest and best offers.” So we went in right at asking price, thinking it’d turn into a bidding war and that we had no shot in hell. Then when they accepted our offer, I about died of shock. It’s been a pain in the ass ever since. The sellers are divorced, so they’re renting the house out, and between the tenants and the seller’s agent, it took us about a week to get back in. This only filled me with more doubt. How could I buy a house I had only seen once? Granted, we did place an offer, but we thought we’d be able to get back into the house before they even accepted it! It’s been stressful, to say the least, but we felt better when we finally got to see it again. The tenants are nice enough and seem to be taking good care of the house.

We need to replace the front door (it’s very cheap), a couple of windows, the front steps, which are currently crappy wood, but will eventually be concrete/brick. Fingers crossed. We’re asking for a credit from the sellers, based on the home inspection, so hopefully they’ll accept, considering we offered asking price. If you’d be so kind, wish us luck that the sellers accept, and that the house doesn’t fall apart before we move in. It’s OLD. But honestly, even though it needs little things here and there, no house is perfect, even much newer homes. So I have to keep reminding myself of that, and focus on the excitement of having our own house, and our own yard to do with as we please. And I can finally decorate! I think that’s the part I’m most excited about. If everything works out, I’ll be sure to post pictures.

Anyway, that’s it. Sorry that’s not nearly as exciting (or bizarre) as a sex change. Maybe I’ll have some better news for you next time. Until then…

~Lily~

I Have A Blog?

I have a blog? Well, this is certainly news to me! Imagine that…

Yes, I have been neglecting this poor little blog. I think I’m far past the point of blaming this on writer’s block. I mean, it’s been like, what, a year since I’ve actually put any effort into this?! That is so far beyond the allowed blockage period. What a disgrace! But really, who am I to have a blog? Once upon a time, I tried to be funny. Once in a blue moon, it worked out well. But let me be honest with myself…my life is soooo boring! I don’t have any funny, sad, scary, weird, awesome stories to share. I wish! I’m not some secret spy on a top secret mission, constantly in the throes of danger. I wish! Actually no, no I don’t. I’m recently engaged, but do you think I have any stories about that or the wedding that I’m supposed to be planning? Haha!

There’s still a small part of me (approximately 10.0067801%) that would love to wake up one day, inspired, and go, “AH HA! That’s what I will write, and it will be epic…EPIC!” That’s probably not going to happen, says the other 89.9932199% percent of me. So you might be asking yourself if there’s a point to this blog post. I might be asking myself that same question. I guess for the negative three remaining people who read this, I wanted to let you know that I’m still alive. Still alive and as uninspired as ever. But maybe some day! But maybe not.

And there you have it, the most pointless blog post ever written, by the blogger who often forgets she even has a blog.

Ta-da.

~Lily~

I Have A Fiancé?

Can you believe that I’m still not used to the idea of my boyfriend being my fiancé? I keep referring to him as my boyfriend, and people have to keep correcting me. Oops. How do you get used to changing someone’s label? He’s had the “boyfriend” label on him for so long now. That’s quite a bit of paperwork.

Now that I do, in fact, have a fiancé, I should probably start thinking about planning this thing, huh? Yeah, probably. I can’t even begin to wrap my head around the adventure that is wedding planning. So many details, costs, stress. Ehhh, city hall, anyone? Don’t get me wrong, I love him and I’m excited to be getting married finally. And I’m really looking forward to dress shopping. But…that’s about it. I don’t know how I’m supposed to pick a date and a place and all the other nonsense involved. Don’t weddings seem to be more about the guests anyway? You have to feed them and impress them and stuff. Le sigh. I sound horrible, don’t I? But really, even applying for a marriage license sounds confusing. And they expire after only about 30 days. What the hell! Why should you even need a fucking license to get married? Driving a car, sure, but getting married? Ugh. You know how I feel about stupid rules.

My friend Michelle, whose beautiful wedding I was recently in, has been very helpful. It’s nice that she got to go through this first, because now I get to annoy her with questions, lol. And I’ll get to annoy my mom and all you lucky readers too! Any tips or suggestions are required welcome. Seriously, help me. How does one stay sane while trying to plan a wedding? Especially when said wedding is in Puerto Rico, and I live in New Jersey. WHAT??? How did I get myself into this mess? Oh yeah, because I said, “Yes!”

~Lily~

P.S. I really do love him. I know I’m complaining a lot, but that’s what future brides are supposed to do. I just want to have our special day and that’s it. Just cut the crap and skip right to the honeymoon happily ever after. Is that so bad?

Just To Summarize…

This has been an interesting week, to say the least. Two major things happened, two things which are so contrary to one another.

On Tuesday morning, I looked outside the window to see that it was currently snowing, and slowly accumulating. I’m the kind of person who doesn’t even want to go to work when it’s raining, let alone snowing. I thought, maybe they’ll close the office or something, or at least send an e-mail for us to drive safe and use our best judgement. That didn’t happen, so against my better judgement, I went to work. And then this happened…

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I got into an accident, in case you couldn’t figure that out. And it’s not that I was driving carelessly. I swear I’m a good driver. I was coming up to a light and started braking, and the car just wouldn’t stop. I was scared so I pressed on the brakes harder, which I now realize is the opposite of what you should do when there’s snow/ice on the road. So BAM. My first fender bender. (And hopefully the last.) The other car was perfectly fine, no visible damage. It was a large mini-van with an enormous bumper. I was so pissed, because I should’ve just listened to my lazy gut and stayed home.

Then yesterday, (Wednesday) this happened…

It’s about time!

I got engaged! Finally! We’ve only been in a relationship for nearly a decade, counting the years we were in a long-distance relationship. We were having dinner with my parents and my brother at Friday’s. (Fancy, I know…) We were talking and all of a sudden, he goes, “Well…anyway…before I leave for Puerto Rico…will you marry me?” And I said, “Really?! Here?” And then I said, “Yes, of course!”  I was laughing the whole time, because it was so random, very few words, no getting down on one-knee. But I always knew he wasn’t the most creative or romantic type of guy. It almost felt like it wasn’t happening, because it was so random. But hey, we love each other and that’s all that matters. About an hour after he proposed, it hit me. “Crap, now I need to PLAN this thing?” Yeah, guess I’m not so romantic myself.

Accident one day, proposal the next day. Who knew?!

~Lily~

Rules (And Taxes) Can Bite Me

How does a person become the rule maker? Because I want to be that person. Current rule makers are busy making rules that are retarded as fuck only serve to annoy people and make them do more work than necessary. Renewing your license, for example. Why must we fill out that stupid form (every time!) and bring 6-points worth of documents with us? It’s not like those documents actually prove that we know how to drive. (Yeah, because my being born really proves that I’m a responsible driver.) Then when you complain, all you hear is, “Sorry, but those are the rules…” That’s  the worst excuse in the world. Somebody MADE UP those rules, and they could easily unmake them if they weren’t such a giant butt-hole.

Buying a house is a great example of how much rules suck. Now that we’re considering buying a house, (because paying rent is the equivalent to throwing your money out the window on a windy day) we’re realizing just how annoying all these rules are. Why can’t you just find a house, make an offer, mortgage approved, sign, and be done with it? That’s complicated enough without all the back and forth, figuring out your budget, attorney/Realtor costs, inspection/appraisal costs, closing cost, other costs that they sneak in there, plus making sure the house has all the necessary C.O.’s. What the fuck? I thought there was only one C.O. Now I find out that if you finish a basement, you need a permit. If you add a garage or extend the bedroom or add a fucking window, there’s a permit for that shit too.

Why do you need permission to make a house better? Oh right, because even if you pay it off, the damn thing is never yours. You’ll pay taxes for the rest of your life, which is basically just a slightly lower mortgage. Why are we forced to pay taxes? Is it because those are the rules? You must pay taxes until you die. But only because they haven’t figured out a way to charge taxes on the other side. Do you realize that with cars and homes, we pay more in taxes than the car or house is worth? If the land is just sitting there NOT doing anything, why do we need to pay $5,000 – $20,000 for the grass that just happens to sit around the house? Because the money funds the schools? FIND ANOTHER WAY TO PAY FOR SCHOOLS!

This post was only supposed to be about how much rules suck, but then I realized that taxes suck even harder. And not winning the lottery sucks the most. Because if you win the lottery, you don’t have to worry about how much to put down while still leaving enough money for attorney/Realtor/closing costs, AND leaving enough for house repairs and/or an emergencies. Not to say that money fixes everything, but…yeah, it kinda does. So fuck.

~Lily~