Blank Screen

The hardest thing about writing is the beginning, not knowing where or how to start. If I’m being honest, half the time, I don’t even know what to say. I guess the hardest part about writing is actually doing it. I don’t think I was meant to write, but the problem is, I really want to. I have more notebooks than any one person needs, full of crisp, blank pages. I obsessively sit in front of my laptop, drawn to the little Word 2016 icon, but when I open it up, it’s just an electronic version of my dust-collecting notebooks. I stare at the blank screen, and it stares right back. Uninspiring, but so full of judgement.

This has been a struggle for the past several years. I feel empty without writing, but I feel too empty to write. If things were going terribly, I suppose the words would flow as freely as my tears would. If things were wonderful, I’d likely be dripping inspiration. But life is just good; a tad dull and a lot regular. Not that I’m complaining, but who wants to read about regular?

A few years back, the words flowed a bit more freely. I had just discovered blogging, and it was love at first write. Writing, being read, and reading…being part of a community. It felt like family. I can’t remember when or why, but suddenly, it wasn’t the same. Weeks turned to months, and then to a year with nary a thing to say. I had made peace with the void. Then nostalgia kicked in. That bitch.

They say practice makes perfect. I’m not too sure, but I’ll keep on practicing. Maybe it’s a form of therapy. Or lunacy…writing with nothing to say. Maybe I just like the tapping sound of the keyboard. It’s new and shiny, and boy, does it sound lovely. Tap, tap, tap, nothing to say, tap, tap, tap. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see if this turns into more than just rambling. In any case, there isn’t a blank screen staring at me now, so I think I’m onto something.


6 thoughts on “Blank Screen

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  1. Lily, it’s been so darn long but it was so good to see you pop into my inbox! Talk about nostalgia! I totally feel you on this whole blogging/writing business and like you, I often feel compelled to write but have no clue how or where to start. So more often than not I just give up. My blogging has also decreased to barely a blip in activity and I’m lucky if I get a post in once every two or three months. Still, I’m not ready to just kill it esp. after I think about how long I’ve kept writing, however sporadically. Hope you’ve been keeping well both as a mom and as your own person!

    1. Hiiiiiii! Aw, it’s so nice to see a familiar face! Er, familiar name! 🙂 It’s so hard to let this go, right? It was so good while it lasted. At least you keep up with it more often than I do. I want to try… But I’ll have to see if inspiration strikes sometime soon. I hope all is well with you! I’ll have to log on more. I haven’t visited any blogs in a while but then again, I haven’t seen a post of yours in my feed recently. Take care, see you around! 🙂

  2. Yes X 100000000
    P.s. A very belated congrats on your bundle of joy – I just recently started catching up on blogs again and came across your post 🙂

  3. You made a new human being. There must be a zillion stories there. I’m convinced that every single delivery has a unique tale to tell. So go. And if you already covered it… and I should have read it already, then …. shit.

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