Things I Can’t Stand – Part 7

**This has been in my drafts since 2018. But eh, why the heck not?**

It’s been a while since I’ve posted in this category. I know, just when you thought I had given up on that stupid series, BAM! There I go again. It’s tough being a Don’t Quote Lily reader. I feel your pain. Anyway, rather than focus on ONE stupid thing, (because I have the attention span of a child) I thought I would talk about several stupid things. Everybody say YAY!! No? Fine, let’s get to business then.

Stupid/Annoying Things

1. White shirt, black bra. COME ON, ladies. Why do so many women do this? I just need an answer that makes sense. Wearing a black bra under a white shirt is the exact opposite of common sense. It’s uncommon sense. It’s common non-sense. Stop the madness! P.S. It’s also kind of slutty.

2. Premium gas. Why don’t they ever advertise the price of premium gas on those big, bright signs? You don’t know how much you’re paying for premium until you pull up to the pump. Just because MOST people use regular, doesn’t mean that NO one uses premium. Get with the program!

3. Left turns. I hate left turns on streets with no left turn light. Just turning left out of the parking lot at work is a pain in the ass, and can take minutes…MINUTES! On both ends of the road, there are lights. But the thing is, there’s never a break in cars, because you have two streets that turn onto this road, so when one is red, the other is green, and vice versa, so it never ends!

4. Car accidents. It’s not raining, snowing, nothing is falling out of the sky. SO, what is your excuse for crashing into the car in front of you? I just don’t understand how there are so many stupid drivers out there. FOCUS, people!

5. Airline fees. Especially on United. You pay for the ticket (which to me means you’re paying for a seat) but then, only a small number of seats are “free.” The majority are another $50-$80 on top of the price of the ticket. My other pet peeve is the fee you have to pay if your luggage exceeds the weight limit. Say you pay $25 for one checked bag. But if it’s a pound over, then you have to pay another $100?! Meanwhile, if you take the extra weight out of the suitcase and onto your carry-on, it’s all still going on the plane. So please tell me why you need to charge an extra $100 to keep it in your suitcase? And what about people? You may have 100 passengers who average 140 pounds. But then you have one person who weights 250, 300 pounds. Are you gonna charge them extra? SMH.

Welp, I think that’s it for this super random post.


A Piece Of Me


Hello, world. Or, hello to the three of you. I thought it was time for a quick update. 1 out of 3 of you may recall that I was pregnant last time I posted. Guess what? Not anymore! Little Sofia was born on Friday, July 31st at 11:27 am. She weighed 8.5 pounds, and measured 20.75 inches long. Beautiful and healthy, with a head FULL of dark hair. She was bigger than anyone expected. I was all belly, and everyone swore I’d have a 6 or 7 pounder. BUT NOPE! She surprised us all. My husband says she came out with her arm sticking out, like making a fist. Almost as if she was saying, “Woohoo, I did it!” Yeah, she did feel a little funny on the way out, so that explains it. I was so busy trying to catch my breath, that it took me a few minutes before I thought to ask, “Wait, is she still a girl?” Haha.

All things considered, I had a pretty good birth experience. I was told I pushed for 45 minutes or so, no more than an hour. I was TOLD this, because I seriously do NOT remember. When you’re in that much pain, you have no concept of time. I mean, it obviously felt like forever in the moment. I had contractions all day Thursday, but they became really intense around midnight/early Friday. Oddly enough, I was very calm that whole day with contractions. It’s like I still couldn’t believe that I would actually be giving birth soon. Even when I made it to the hospital, it felt unreal. My whole pregnancy felt that way though.

I have a high tolerance for pain but WOW… Words cannot describe that kind of pain. They should come up with a new word for contractions, because that one just doesn’t do it justice. At one point I even begged for them to cut me open to get her out, haha. I was not eligible for an epidural due to low blood platelets. Would have been too risky. I thought my face might explode from pushing, not to mention my lungs. Pushing is hard, people. I felt out of breath for a week or two afterwards.

Almost immediately after giving birth though, it’s almost like it never even happened. All of a sudden, there’s a tiny human on your chest, and you wonder, “What do I do now? Did the doctor leave the manual somewhere?” I never imagined how stressful and overwhelming life as a mom would be. BUT every day gets a little easier. Everyone kept telling me that, but those first couple of weeks, you find it hard to believe. I cried a lot. But as hard as it is to be a sleep-deprived slave to a newborn, at the end of the day, I just remember that we have a beautiful, healthy baby girl, and that’s all we can ask for. That, and maybe a bit less fussing and crying. But it is what it is! My husband and my parents have helped keep me sane. And whenever I feel really overwhelmed, I look at my baby and think, “Wow…we made a baby…an actual human being. How amazing is that?” I find it mind-boggling how a tiny egg and a tiny swimmer can create a perfect little human! Part of me still can’t believe I’m a mom. I mean, I have a daughter… What?!

Anyway, I think I’m mostly rambling, so I’ll stop here. With a couple pictures, of course!




Because, Why Not?

Hello? Is there anyone out there? Don’t want to show yourself? That’s cool, I’m quite experienced in the art of talking to myself. It’s not something to brag about though…

I haven’t the slightest clue what brought me here after months…MONTHS! Poor neglected blog that no one gives two figs about. I stopped writing, stopped getting readers, stopped caring…sort of. Had nothing to say anymore. But today I came back here and remembered how much fun I had with this in the beginning. I loved interacting with all you internet strangers. This is not to say I’m back. But I thought I’d give at least one more life update, because, why not? Who’s gonna stop me?

I am now 34 weeks pregnant, with a baby girl. I can’t believe how quickly these 8 months have gone. I still feel like I only JUST announced my pregnancy. Still haven’t quite wrapped my head around the fact that I’m gonna be a mom…a MOM! *Deep breath* Holy shit, that’s a scary thought! I haven’t so much as held a baby in SO MANY YEARS, I can’t even tell you. I’m afraid that when they hand her to me, I’m gonna feel completely clueless. But hopefully that whole mother’s instinct thing is real, and everything will just click, and I won’t be a total dummy.

On the plus side, I already love her, so that’s a start, right? At the end of the day, no one is born knowing how to be a mom. Sure, some people have experience, say, with changing diapers, but I’ll get there! I’m trying not to stress about how quickly time is going, though it’s hard not to. Still need to find a pediatrician, finish buying baby gear, and get the nursery together. I hope we get a chance to paint her room between this weekend and next. I think it’ll feel more real once we have a room that LOOKS like it’s meant for a baby, rather than the randomness that it is now. We shall see.

So yeah, I’m here, still pregnant, super uncomfortable, but otherwise okay. If you’re out there, I hope all is well with you too. And if no one’s reading this, well then…you suck. 🙂



This Is Why I Don’t Blog Anymore…

Not to sound self-centered, but what’s the point of blogging if hardly anyone’s gonna read what you wrote? If I didn’t want someone to read my thoughts, I’d write in a physical, private journal…with pen and paper. It makes me sad how much WordPress has changed for me. I used to wake up every day, so excited to read other blogs, and have people read mine. Then I started slacking, and people started disappearing… It’s not as fun as it used to be.

Not very many people “noticed” (or cared about) my last post. You know, announcing my first pregnancy. No biggie! Just sad. So I really doubt that I’ll be on here updating throughout the remainder of my pregnancy. I mean, I know those kinds of posts are boring anyway. But honestly, even if I was inspired to write something entertaining/funny, I doubt I’d get the audience that I had once upon a time, for a short time. I miss those days!

OH WELL. It was nice while it lasted. I’ll still try to read people’s blogs, but that’s probably it. Um, so do you hate this post as much as I do? Jeez, Lillian. What a loser! But I’m sure most people would agree that this isn’t any fun if no one reads your stuff. Now I’m just repeating myself, so I’m done. Maybe I’ll see you, maybe I won’t. I could be a total liar, and end up posting regularly, as if this post never happened! But…doubtful.


Yes, I’m Positive…

Hello, world. I thought I’d give this a try again. You should know that, having been away from the blogging scene for so long, I have become a little shy, perhaps needy, and desperate for approval. (Slight exaggeration.) If only 2 or 3 people like/comment on this post, I will be heart-broken and possibly never post again. Just a little something to keep in mind.

I have some news to share. First a quick update on my life. I got engaged December 2013. We bought and moved into our first home in August 2014. We are still unmarried (but will be resolving that soon). Mostly it’s because planning a wedding in Puerto Rico (where we have tons of family) is way too stressful for a lazy person such as myself. I also don’t have enough vacation days to deal with that. So city hall it is. Are you judging me? It’s not that I’m unromantic. It’s just that at the end of the day, I want him to be my husband. I don’t need all the bells and whistles, all the stress of planning, all the costs associated with that. I never dreamed of a big, white wedding, so I don’t feel like I’m missing out.

This leads me to my news. Drum-roll… WAKE UP! Did you just fall asleep on me? I’m devasted, truly. SOOOO… I am here to announce that…I’M PREGNANT!!! Just one more reason why city hall seems like the best option. Anyway, see below for evidence. We are excited, and yes, absolutely terrified. But it’s been on our minds, and it’s something we wanted to happen in the near future. It happened now, so that’s great! I will surely freak out along the way. I am waiting for the panic attack that I know I’m overdue for. I know nothing about babies (except they poop, they eat, they sleep, they cry…a lot). But I suppose no one is born KNOWING exactly what to do in every situation, right? I’ll figure it out…meh? Sure, my body may never recover. Sure, I may never sleep again. And sure, I won’t be able to save up as much money, but hey! It’ll be fun, right? Ummmm…

If anyone’s reading this, I will try to update you guys as I get more round and squishy. Right now, I’m about 13 weeks. Let the adventure begin! Until then…

Don’t scroll down until you’ve read the post…

No really, you have to read the post first.

It’s not like it’s that long of a post.

If you scroll down first, you’ll ruin everything.

Are you even listening to me?

Seriously, stop right now…










From The Vault – Irrelevant Adventure Not Even Worth Mentioning But…

Hello, if anyone’s even out there… I haven’t posted in MONTHS. Kind of sad, but not really. I thought I’d share one of my old posts again. Why? I don’t know, because I can? If no one reads it, then perhaps I was meant to not post anything all these months. Who knows…

Never, under any circumstances, wear sandals when you’re hiking. Did you know that? Oh, you did? Well, so did I. I just needed to confirm it, that’s all. Kind of like I needed to confirm that our apartment building was strong enough, so I took my car and crashed into it. The apartment held up just fine. Building strength confirmed. (Um, I really did crash into a brick wall, if you don’t believe me.)

Right, back to the “hiking.” (I use that word loosely.) My parents were babysitting two of my little cousins for two days. One day we’d focus on cousin number 1, and the second day on cousin number 2. I kid you. On Monday, we went to a park, complete with two play areas. Monkey bars, slides, drawbridge thing, random crap you climb up. Everything except swings. I know, I was highly disappointed too. I sucked it up and pulled through anyway. You’re never too old to jump up and down on the drawbridge thing or go down a slide or two. (I’m also secretly proud of the fact that I was also able to go UP the slide. Total pro.) At some point, I became the monster. There was no explanation, no talk of game rules or characters, nothing. I was just chosen to be the monster, and when the kids started running away from me, I figured they were being serious. So I went with it and it was fun.

On Tuesday, mom announced that they were going to the park around the same time as the previous day, so I decided to tag along. I stupidly assumed it would be the same park, but duh, that would be boring. Who does that? So whatever, I had sandals on, because sandals are totally fine when you’re going up/down a slide. Not so much when you go to a park that involves nature…and nature involves trails…and trails involve gravel roads…and gravel roads involve tree roots…and tree roots involve tripping and falling on your arse. (If you say arse, it’s not cursing.)

I hate sneakers (because they make my feet look big and because they’re just not cute), but at that moment, I would have given anything for my sneakers to just magically appear. I waited, I prayed, I cursed…alas, they never materialized. We started up the trail. I know, UP…you know what that means? It means that in order to get back, I’d have to go DOWN…in sandals…over ROCKS…great. What the hell did I get myself into? These rocks were full of creepy red spiders on high-speed stilts…LOTS of spiders. Yuck.

If you haven’t rolled your eyes yet, go ahead, roll them. Get it out of your system. But really, my life is so dull, what did you expect? We finally stopped and turned around. I know it seems overly dramatic but I was truly worried about this moment. I took the tiniest steps anyone could possibly take. I put all my weight into my ankles and feet, pretending they were claws that could stick to the ground. And I held onto my mom’s arm for dear life. I didn’t think it was possible to go DOWNHILL so slowly but it is. Despite all these precautions, I felt gravity start to do its work. One stupid red spider, one stupid sandal-wearing idiot, and down I went, taking my poor mom with me. Sorry mom. Actually…that’s kinda-sorta, absolutely, not in the least bit true. We all made it down safely. I’m so ashamed…how incredibly lame of me to NOT get injured. But if it counts for anything, it was fun (the kids caught a frog) and I’m now 100% sure that you are not supposed to wear sandals to a park.

Anyway, in my last post I promised my next post would be better. I lied. Please don’t unfollow me. So, hold your breath for next time!


Sheetrock, Spackle, and Paint, Oh My!

After much sheet rocking, spackling, painting, and new flooring, we’re finally almost at the finish line. For a while there, our house looked like shit; bare walls waiting for new sheetrock, and floors/stairs stripped of their smelly, old carpet. Now it’s starting to look like a home. I’m pretty sure we’ll never fully reach the finish line, as house projects seem to be endless, but at least we’re making progress. We have to be moved in this weekend, as I will NOT be paying another month’s rent at the apartment. We still have to paint one more room, fix up the stairs, get a new back door and replace a few windows, but I guess that will have to wait. I just can’t wait for the day that we’re no longer surrounded by dust, both regular and sawdust.

With all the work on the house, we haven’t had time to shop for a new bedroom set or washer dryer, so we NEED to make that a priority this Labor Day weekend. I want my new stuff! And I want to buy a few decorations here and there, since decorating is the only fun part about having a house. I am NOT looking forward to cleaning out our apartment and packing everything up, but we’ve put that off long enough, and now it’s GO time. I hope we accomplish everything we need to this weekend. I’ll have a 5 day weekend, which is good, though it won’t be nearly as relaxing as I’d like it to be. I would much prefer to pay someone to help us clean and move. Oh well, such is life.

That’s my update for the year month. Hope all two of you reading this are doing well. And P.S. – where the hell has this year gone? Goodbye to the summer that barely was…

P.P.S. – Damn you, WordPress, for publishing my post yesterday, when I had it set to “Schedule” and I hit the button which also said “Schedule” and not “Publish.” What the F is wrong with you? This is why I don’t pay for you anymore…


Just a Bit of News…

This blog post contains highly important, shocking, exciting information. For me. Frankly, you might not give a shit.

I have made a huge, life-altering decision in the last few weeks. Something that affects myself, my fiance, my family. Something that I can not take back. I’ve had moments of excitement, then doubt, then happiness, and then doubt again. Lots of confusion and indecision. Lots of wishing I could go back to being a kid, and not having to make such a huge, grown-up decision. But alas, I cannot stop what’s been unleashed………… I am having a sex change.

I am totally and completely 100% kidding. Did I just cross a line? I do have news that doesn’t require surgery of any kind. Although, a brain scan couldn’t hurt, considering I may or may not be out of my mind. My fiance and I are in the process of…buying our first home! In New Jersey. This is a huge deal, considering my fiance doesn’t really want to live here forever, when it would be so much cheaper to move to Puerto Rico. So a house means we’re sticking it out…for at least 5-10 years. It’s amazeballs. Anyway, this whole thing happened rather quickly. We just happened to go to an open house one Sunday, where we happened to be pleasantly surprised by what we saw. It was priced relatively low, and looked relatively good. Granted, it’s a much older home, so it has its issues here and there, mostly minor fixes. But it’s the first house I’ve walked into that exceeded expectations. Normally, I walk into a house thinking it’ll look as great as the pictures, only to be disappointed in the end. This house in that town at that price definitely intrigued me.

Since putting in the offer, nothing has gone as planned. For one thing, they weren’t supposed to accept it. Lol. The seller’s agent had said, “Multiple offers received. Submit highest and best offers.” So we went in right at asking price, thinking it’d turn into a bidding war and that we had no shot in hell. Then when they accepted our offer, I about died of shock. It’s been a pain in the ass ever since. The sellers are divorced, so they’re renting the house out, and between the tenants and the seller’s agent, it took us about a week to get back in. This only filled me with more doubt. How could I buy a house I had only seen once? Granted, we did place an offer, but we thought we’d be able to get back into the house before they even accepted it! It’s been stressful, to say the least, but we felt better when we finally got to see it again. The tenants are nice enough and seem to be taking good care of the house.

We need to replace the front door (it’s very cheap), a couple of windows, the front steps, which are currently crappy wood, but will eventually be concrete/brick. Fingers crossed. We’re asking for a credit from the sellers, based on the home inspection, so hopefully they’ll accept, considering we offered asking price. If you’d be so kind, wish us luck that the sellers accept, and that the house doesn’t fall apart before we move in. It’s OLD. But honestly, even though it needs little things here and there, no house is perfect, even much newer homes. So I have to keep reminding myself of that, and focus on the excitement of having our own house, and our own yard to do with as we please. And I can finally decorate! I think that’s the part I’m most excited about. If everything works out, I’ll be sure to post pictures.

Anyway, that’s it. Sorry that’s not nearly as exciting (or bizarre) as a sex change. Maybe I’ll have some better news for you next time. Until then…


Son of a Fucking Blog…

I’m going to pretend that I haven’t been neglecting this blog for the last two months, and just jump right into what’s wrong with it. Has anyone else been having issues with WordPress? If I go straight to my home page, it shows me as NOT being logged in. But if I type in, then I am signed in, no problem. When I go to read someone else’s blog, 50% of the time, it shows me as NOT signed in. The little bar at the top is non-existent, and when I try to sign in through the comments section, it gives me an error message, “Sorry, your comment could not be posted.”

WHAT. THE. FUCK? Is it because I’ve neglected my blog for so long? Do I no longer deserve to be able to read, like or comment on other posts? Is it just me, or has this been happening to you too? I hope it’s happening to you too. It’s so annoying! How am I supposed to get inspired, when I can’t even be properly logged in? Damn you, WordPress. You son of a fucking blog.

Anyway, I have some news to share. But I feel like that deserves its own, less boring post, so I’ll save that for some other time. My news is both exciting and annoying, fun and scary, and a tad bit surprising. And I don’t think I know what I’ve gotten myself into. Bit of a cliffhanger, huh? Oh, you don’t care? That’s…fine.

I predict that approximately 1.5 bloggers will stumble upon this craptastic post. That’s 5 minutes of your life you’ll never get back. You’re welcome. (I’m sorry.)


Perhaps It Never Was

Translating poetry is never a good idea, but I tried it anyway. If any of you can speak/read Spanish, I hope you’ll read the original Spanish version below. It’s one of my faves. The english version, not so much.


Perhaps It Never Was

If you wish to remember me some day,
You can.
Who am I to impede that
You do?
I know the memories are forever
And to try to erase them would be
In vain.

I know this love has remained
In a collection of love stories
Ours will stay.
But don’t waste time reliving
The past.
My heart has strayed, this love
did not last.

If roses represented our love,
They have died.
If the stars used to shine for us,
They have dimmed.
If the world used to turn for us,
Now it’s stuck.
If the birds used to sing of love,
They have stopped.

Don’t think of anything
That perhaps never was.
Do not search in vain
For pieces of yesterday.
Never once did I promise
That I would stay.
It’s best to forget,
And to part ways.

The memories start to fade,
Drowning in the void.
Nothing is left,
Nothing mine and nothing yours.
Perhaps this never happened,
Perhaps it never was.
Let everything fade
With one last goodbye…

© Lillian Figueroa
August 2, 2005


Quizás Nunca Fue

Si un día quieres recordarme,
No soy quien para impedir
Que lo hagas.
Sé que los recuerdos se han quedado
E intentar borrarlos sería
En vano.

Sé que ese amor se ha quedado
En los libros de amor se ha quedado
Pero no te empeñes en revivir
El pasado.
Ya no te quiero, ya
No te amo.

Si las flores representan el amor,
Se han muerto.
Si las estrellas nos iluminaron, ya,
Se han quemado.
Si el mundo giraba para los dos,
Se ha estancado.
Si las aves cantaban de amor,
Ya han cesado.

No pienses en nada
Que quizás nunca fue.
No busques inútilmente
Lo que existía ayer.
Nunca prometí
Que me iba a quedar.
Es mejor seguir,
Es mejor olvidar.

Se esfuman los recuerdos,
Se ahogan en el vacío.
Ya nada queda,
Nada es tuyo, nada es mío.
Quizás nunca fue,
Ya…nada pasó.
Deja que todo se consuma
En un adiós…

 © Lillian Figueroa
2 de Agosto, 2005

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