Disclaimer: This post is gonna sound slightly hypocritical considering I recently crashed into a building while “parking” but let’s put that aside, shall we? Oh, you forgot about that? Damn, why do I keep bringing it up? Moving on…
Why aren’t we taught how to properly park? Better yet, why aren’t we taught how to fucking drive? I don’t know about other states, but in New Jersey, the road test (to get your license) consists of parallel parking, executing a k-turn, and driving in reverse. Parallel parking has got to be everyone’s worst nightmare. I’m still surprised I passed, trembling hands and all. Know how often I’ve parallel parked since then? Let me do a little math in my head, um, hmm, oh wait…NEVER! Executing a k-turn? Much easier than the parallel thing but equally as unimportant. Driving in reverse? Wtf? I’m sorry, I prefer driving going FORWARD. (I know we need to reverse out of parking spaces, but you don’t often have to DRIVE in reverse…in a STRAIGHT line.) So, you do those three things and you’re granted a license. WOO HOO! Thank you MVC of NJ, you may now kindly take responsibility for all car accidents. Sheesh, I wonder why there are so many of them…
I could probably ramble on forever about bad drivers. We all deal with them on a daily basis. (Actually, now that I’m home every day, I don’t deal with them, but whatever.) People who tailgate, people who cut you off, people who drive 100mph, people who drive 10mph, people who won’t let you merge even though it would only take 2 seconds out of their life, people who are texting or doing their makeup, people who can’t stay in their lane, people who are brake-happy, people over the age of 65, etc. Oh, look at that, I didn’t mean to ramble but I did it anyway.
Anyway, the point of this post (is there ever one?) is bad parking. It never fails, whenever one person parks like an ass, the next person parks like an ass too. So then you’ve got a parking lot full of asses. (Doesn’t smell pretty.) If one person would just put in a LITTLE effort, skip a space, and park as perfectly as possible, then they’d be setting a great example. And possibly (though not likely) the next person would be like, “Aw, look how well that person parked! So straight, and centered in their little space. I’m gonna park like that too!” I know, do I live on a cloud or something?
I HATE when cars (especially the tiny ones, wtf?) park practically on top of you. So close that you would need to climb in through the passenger door. (Or the sunroof if you’re surrounded by two assholes.) I can understand being a little crooked, but to park on top of people? What is wrong with you? How rude and inconsiderate. If you force me to climb in through the passenger door, you can bet your ass I’m gonna leave a nasty (but pretty) pink post-it on your car. The SUPER STICKY kind…take that! And then there are the people who double park. Is it just me, or is it always the people with small cars who do this? Do you think you own the place? I also hate, hate, hate when people just throw their doors open with no consideration to the car next to them. “Hey asswipe, are you gonna pay for my paint job? Oh no? Then unless you’re trying to make room for an elephant, learn how to open a fucking door!”
There, I think I’ve said what I needed to say. Want to find out if you’re an asswipe bad at parking? If you regularly do any of the following, then yes…you’re an asswipe. No offense. 😀