What Facebook Has Taught Me

There is a right way and a wrong way to use Facebook. The right way is to keep in touch with family and friends, and share pictures occasionally. The wrong way is to post pictures of your underwear collection (or of yourself IN underwear), update your status every 5 minutes and #writelikethis, and the absolute worst way…is starting drama. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to be judgmental. After all, the Facebook users who cause drama can be quite entertaining.

One of my Facebook “friends” has a lot of drama in his life. He has deactivated his Facebook account several times in the past, trying to get away from it all. He thinks drama is attracted to him, but the truth is, HE’S the one starting it. Almost two years ago, I noticed that he was in a relationship with this girl who looked young and stupid in love. Then I noticed a few interesting posts on his wall from a DIFFERENT girl. Naturally, I checked out the new girl’s profile and saw that she was “in a relationship.” Then I noticed that my “friend” was posting lovey-dovey things on her wall. So I was like, “Oh no, he didn’t! He’s dating two girls at the same time!” I found this highly entertaining and sad. His “official” girlfriend was posting stuff about how everyone was judging her boyfriend, but she loved him no matter what they said. YAWN. The “homewrecker” girl was talking shit and leaving sexy little comments on the guy’s pictures. Way to be obvious.

One day, I stumbled upon his profile and realized he had changed his status to “in a relationship” and had removed the “official” girlfriend’s name. UH-OH. If I remember correctly, the “official” girlfriend’s status had changed to “engaged” and had his name listed. “Engaged, what the F? When did this happen?” So she was still oblivious at that point. Eventually, my “friend” and “homewrecker” girl publicly acknowledged their relationship by tagging each other in their relationship status. The “official” girlfriend was officially dumped and broken-hearted. The new couple filled each other’s walls with crap posts and crap pictures. And sure enough, a few weeks later, they were over. So sad.

Then about a year ago, my “friend” found himself a new girl. She seemed just as naïve as the other two. (All the girls were a few years younger than he was.) This new girl wrote on his wall EVERY DAY, sharing with the WHOLE WORLD how much she loved him, how they were meant to be, how the haters could just shut up because they were NEVER going to break them up, blah-blah-blah. If you need to declare your love PUBLICLY on Facebook, there’s obviously something wrong with your relationship. They took A MILLION pictures together, and it was SO CUTE…gag me. There was plenty of drama for a while, haters talking shit, the couple defending their super serious, super special 3-month long relationship. Suddenly, all was quiet because he had deactivated his Facebook account again.

He reappeared about a month ago, and to my surprise, they were still together. Even more to my surprise, he posted a picture of a newborn baby…his son. “When the hell did that happen? I feel so lost.” I didn’t think they’d been together long enough to have had a baby. That’s when I discovered a picture of his new girlfriend with a baby bump. A NEW baby bump, as she was currently three months pregnant. Obviously, the newborn baby was not hers because she couldn’t possibly be three months pregnant if she had JUST given birth. I was shocked, but not really. I was impressed that they were still together, after he fathered a son with another “woman.” She was still writing about how much she loved him and how happy they were to be expecting a child. AWWW. Too bad this wasn’t a first for him.

Back to present day. Yesterday, I noticed a post from my “friend” stating that he’s sick of all the drama and will be deleting his Facebook account AGAIN. So I rolled my eyes and wondered, “What happened this time?” I know I shouldn’t care but I immediately checked out his profile. It turns out that he’s no longer in a relationship or Facebook friends with this poor pregnant girl, but I have no idea when or why that happened. I backtracked and noticed another girl (not the one who recently had his baby either) posting on his wall. She was being MORE THAN OBVIOUS about the fact that she was currently WITH HIM. So I thought, “OMG, what is wrong with you people? And why do I care?” But I clicked on her name anyway to check things out. Sure enough, she was listed as being “in a relationship” and I’m sure it’s with him. I also noticed a link that her best friend had posted, and was shocked when I saw who it was. Her best friend is the “homewrecker” from the beginning of this crazy story! Are you as shocked as I am? Of course not, you don’t give a shit.

I guess if I HAVE TO make a point, it’s that people need to be a little more careful with the shit they share on Facebook. I should not have had the opportunity to be so entertained by all that dating drama. If you’re gonna be a lying, cheating, two-timing scumbag, try to be a little less obvious about it. Maybe date ONE person at a time, preferably someone your own age, and you might want to consider wrapping up your tool so you don’t end up with a THIRD child. And don’t bitch about drama following you everywhere you go if YOU’RE the one starting it. Try keeping a low profile. That, my friends, would be the correct way to use Facebook.

If the person I’m writing about happens to google something that leads him to this post, I am SO very sorry. But nobody here knows who you are, what your name is, or what you look like. So, you know, it’s not so bad, right?


47 thoughts on “What Facebook Has Taught Me

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  1. We all have at LEAST one of those on our account. Funny that I was thinking the same thing just yesterday of “why do I care if she was in a relationship, single then engaged within a week and how many of the kids are his and what the hell is happening with her brother that there is a full out name calling f-you war going on with her page” and then repeat it in a couple months time. Hmmm maybe instead of deleting FB I should just delete them….but you are right! Where would I get my entertainment from then? Haha

    1. I know, we shouldn’t care but it’s just so funny sometimes! If anything, reading other people’s craziness makes me feel better about my life. So I can’t delete these people. 😉 Thanks for reading!

  2. If the person written about here reads this, please please respond with a comment so that the drama can be raised up to the blogging world too. (set bait) Sure, I read her disclaimer, but I think I know who you are… (the line is in the water)

  3. Can I say I laughed…i guess life outside is boring…Facebook is the place for drama lol. I have often found the whole I am married to…I am engaged to…I am single…too much to handle.

    Love the disclaimer lol

  4. Good Golly, talk about drama! Too right, keep a low profile if you’re going to do that! My word, can’t believe he managed to keep relationships whilst posting on line like that. On the upside, I can’t imagine he would worry about this post as he is clearly quite happy to share all his drama with the world 🙂 Very funny post!

    1. Seriously, craziness! He must be good at SOMETHING to keep these girls coming back. 😉 And you’re right, I guess he wouldn’t mind this post, it’s just a summary of his FB life. Thanks, glad you enjoyed!

  5. When I was active on Facebook I would see that sort of thing all the time.. from married people too ..craziness.. I have been off the Book of faces a year now and do not miss any of that foolishness 🙂

  6. True story. Keep it to yourself people (and in this case maybe keep in your pants too!) I love the disclaimer at the end!

  7. This is why I love reading your blogs in the morning….. totally gets my day off to the right start. Laughing about other people that is. 😉 Sometimes I really want to ask these people, “Do you really have no common sense about NOT putting stuff like this up here?” Or maybe they really just want the attention. As much as we get annoyed by these people, I agree that it’s kind of a good thing they’re there to feed us our doses of drama by proxy. Too funny!

    1. Hehe, glad I could help start your morning off right! 😉 I know, these people amaze me, they really do. Like you said, maybe they just want attention. Well, he sure got mine. But yeah, drama is fun as long as it’s not about YOU. Man, stupid people can be so entertaining. Glad you enjoyed!

  8. Haaaaaaaaa! I nearly split my sides reading this. One of the funniest posts I’ve read for a while!
    It sounds like ‘Days of Our Lives’ .

    I remember when my cousin put ‘It’s complicated’ as his relationship status and I got phone calls immediately telling me he must have broken up with his wife – seriously people get a life 😀

    I absolutely love this post!

  9. I have such a love/hate relationship with facebook. I love keeping tabs on people, but I hate everyone on it. I can’t believe how juicy and dramatic your facebook community is! That guy is pretty ballsy! But yeah I don’t know how much more of facebook I can take really. Oy…

    1. Same here! But it’s hard to leave, isn’t it? People are incredibly stupid but if they weren’t, I wouldn’t have been able to write this post! Yup, he’s ballsy alright…he DID deactivate his account so I’m glad I checked him out right before that happened. 😀

  10. I love that you could go all the way back and see what happened… is that in part due to timeline? I fucking hate timeline. It seems that I was a very different person in 2005, which makes sense I was about 20 then.

    Three children, gross. Gross in that they are different woman, he knows what a condom is yes?

    Stupid awesome entertaining facebook. See I told you boys are drama 😉

    1. Yup, you can go back with the timeline, but in this case, I was going off memory. He WAS the most entertaining of my FB friends. So sad he’s gone now, lol. It does take a while to adjust to the timeline but it can be helpful…actually I think the created the timeline to help stalker out…!

      I hope he doesn’t end up with a third child…it’s sad enough he’s got 2 with 2 different people. Poor children. And yes, agreed, boys ARE drama!! I feel bad for the people who date him. 😀

  11. I just LOVE it when someone posts “That’s it.. I’ve had enough.. goodbye cruel facebook world.. I’m done.. I’m deleting my account”.. then waits several hours to actually delete it.. My husband and I now bet on our regular run awayers on when they’ll be back..lol.. it’s usually within 24 hours. Drives me nuts. I don’t tolerate drama on my page.. if someone starts it, they are gone. Makes my fb life so much easier..lol

  12. Wow. I thought my FB friends had alot of drama. Oh well. I usually use Facebook to keep up to date with the Georgia state parks and to post pics from my many adventures to show people how great life can be when you leave the drama behind.

  13. I hate facebook, but all of my relatives are out of state. (My mom would kill me if I didn’t regularly post pictures of her grandchildren.) Initially I resisted blogging, thinking it was just an expanded version of facebook. Thank God that’s not really the case… but we should all still be careful of what we put out there.

  14. This blog is funny, and I really love your little cartoons, and this blog should seriously be shared on FB. Except I just remembered – almost everybody I know on FB (which is almost everybody I know) NEVER READS ANYTHING THAT TAKES LONGER THAN 5 SECONDS. (my bad)

    1. Glad you liked. I know, hardly any facebookers would read something longer than two sentences. I did share it on facebook though because I knew a couple of my old coworkers would read it. 😉

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