Irrelevant Adventure Not Even Worth Mentioning, But I’ll Do It Anyway

Never, under any circumstances, wear sandals when you’re hiking. Did you know that? Oh, you did? Well, so did I. I just needed to confirm it, that’s all. Kind of like I needed to confirm that our apartment building was strong enough, so I took my car and crashed into it. The apartment held up just fine. Building strength confirmed. (Um, I really did crash into a brick wall, if you don’t believe me.)

Right, back to the “hiking.” (I use that word loosely.) My parents were babysitting two of my little cousins for two days. One day we’d focus on cousin number 1, and the second day on cousin number 2. I kid you. On Monday, we went to a park, complete with two play areas. Monkey bars, slides, drawbridge thing, random crap you climb up. Everything except swings. I know, I was highly disappointed too. I sucked it up and pulled through anyway. You’re never too old to jump up and down on the drawbridge thing or go down a slide or two. (I’m also secretly proud of the fact that I was also able to go UP the slide. Total pro.) At some point, I became the monster. There was no explanation, no talk of game rules or characters, nothing. I was just chosen to be the monster, and when the kids started running away from me, I figured they were being serious. So I went with it and it was fun.

On Tuesday, mom announced that they were going to the park around the same time as the previous day, so I decided to tag along. I stupidly assumed it would be the same park, but duh, that would be boring. Who does that? So whatever, I had sandals on, because sandals are totally fine when you’re going up/down a slide. Not so much when you go to a park that involves nature…and nature involves trails…and trails involve gravel roads…and gravel roads involve tree roots…and tree roots involve tripping and falling on your arse. (If you say arse, it’s not cursing.)

I hate sneakers (because they make my feet look big and because they’re just not cute), but at that moment, I would have given anything for my sneakers to just magically appear. I waited, I prayed, I cursed…alas, they never materialized. We started up the trail. I know, UP…you know what that means? It means that in order to get back, I’d have to go DOWN…in sandals…over ROCKS…great. What the hell did I get myself into? These rocks were full of creepy red spiders on high-speed stilts…LOTS of spiders. Yuck.

If you haven’t rolled your eyes yet, go ahead, roll them. Get it out of your system. But really, my life is so dull, what did you expect? We finally stopped and turned around. I know it seems overly dramatic but I was truly worried about this moment. I took the tiniest steps anyone could possibly take. I put all my weight into my ankles and feet, pretending they were claws that could stick to the ground. And I held onto my mom’s arm for dear life. I didn’t think it was possible to go DOWNHILL so slowly but it is. Despite all these precautions, I felt gravity start to do its work. One stupid red spider, one stupid sandal-wearing idiot, and down I went, taking my poor mom with me. Sorry mom. Actually…that’s kinda-sorta, absolutely, not in the least bit true. We all made it down safely. I’m so ashamed…how incredibly lame of me to NOT get injured. But if it counts for anything, it was fun (the kids caught a frog) and I’m now 100% sure that you are not supposed to wear sandals to a park.

Anyway, in my last post I promised my next post would be better. I lied. Please don’t unfollow me. So, hold your breath for next time!


PS: On a completely unrelated note, how do people “like” posts 0.05 seconds after it’s published? Especially when you’re someone who’s never heard of me before. Try to fake it a little better. I think 5 seconds is MUCH more believable.

13 thoughts on “Irrelevant Adventure Not Even Worth Mentioning, But I’ll Do It Anyway

Add yours

  1. I knew when I read, “Never, under any circumstances, wear sandals when you’re hiking. ” I was going to laugh.. I did.. really hard (sorry at your expense) I have gone sorta hiking with flip-flops before..They broke..

    Hilarious post!!

    1. I’m glad you laughed! I wasn’t sure anyone would read this. Ahh, the flip-flops broke, that sucks…you had to go barefoot?! Yeah, definitely wouldn’t recommend either flip-flops OR sandals. Better yet, I’d recommend not going sorta hiking. 😉

  2. I was thoroughly enjoying this post until you mentioned the creepy red spiders……. but its okay, I just conjured up the image of you and your mom tumbling over and… oh shoot, did I say that out loud? (I’m KIDDING, in case you couldn’t tell 🙂 ) And as to your PS note, I get that too! I’ll be rereading my post after I publish just to make sure there aren’t any stupid grammar mistakes and then someone will like it when I’m not even done. And I’m a fast reader.

    1. Oh shucks, way to go me. Sorry about the spiders. They weren’t all that special, except the color and speed at which they walked! Too bad I didn’t fall but hey, at least you can imagine it.

      So yeah, you get that too…it’s nuts! This time, I had literally JUST pressed publish and it had a ‘like’ before I could even look at it, and I read fast too! 😉

Tell Me What You Think...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: