I Wish I Had More To Say

Hello blog world. I feel like I haven’t posted in a while, but it’s actually only been three days. I guess my life is empty and meaningless without WordPress. Does that sound as pathetic as I think it does? Don’t answer that. I hope everyone enjoyed their Labor Day weekend. I’m off every day (for the time being) but it was still nice. I finally got my hair cut on Saturday. I’ve been meaning to do that since April, so you can see I’m really on top of things. Luckily, my mom brought it up so we ended up going together.

On Sunday, I went to the Sands Casino with my parents and DID NOT win. My dad played on one slot machine for about an hour with just $5. I know, I still can’t believe it. My mom lost $20 and I lost $30. Yup, talk about big spenders. It’s not that I can’t afford to lose more, but I feel like there are better ways to spend my money than on some stinkin’ machine. There were outlets inside this casino, which I thought was pretty cool. We only saw a few stores, but we can always go back some other day, preferably in more comfortable shoes. I love that there are so many styles of women’s shoes, but sadly, none of them are actually made for walking. It took us a while to find the exit, which is kind of sad. At one point, I noticed a door with a huge PARKING GARAGE sign, but nope, nobody believed that was the way we had come in. We walked a little further before realizing that, yes, I was right.

Anyway, I really wish I had more to say, but I don’t. Writer’s block? I don’t know. I have all these incomplete drafts that I can’t seem to finish. I have a list of “blog ideas” but my ideas must be really stupid, otherwise I wouldn’t have so much trouble writing about them. SOOOO, in lieu of a REAL post, here’s a cute video I took of my grandma’s pets. I accidentally had my phone set to record with audio, so I recommend MUTING…it’s just background noise in spanish. Stupid YouTube won’t let me remove the original audio. Toodles!

~Lily~

The Answer To That Question Nobody Asked

Since I have nothing better to do, I decided to analyze something not worth analyzing. I’m going to answer nobody’s unasked question about why certain animals exist. That’s right, nobody asked and nobody cares, but I’m going to enlighten you anyway. That’s what’s so lame great about me, I’m such a giver. It’s possible that I’ve lost my mind. This year I have read the 50 Shades of Utter Crap trilogy, I got laid off (meaning I no longer have to THINK for a living), and I’m watching the Bachelor Pad of Douche Bags. So, you know, there are NO MORE brain cells left in my poor head. Isn’t that sad?

We exist because, duh, we are adorable.

~*~*~*~*~

BIRDS: To teach us not to obsess over material things. They accomplish this by pooping all over your car. They are especially attracted to shiny, just washed cars. However, they do not discriminate based on manufacturer, shape or size.

BUGS: They serve three purposes. One, if you’re feeling small, don’t fret, you will always be bigger than a bug. Two, to remind you that life is short. Three, to creep you out.

CATS: To help people feel less lonely. No friends, no boyfriend? Do you have a cat? Oh, 5 of them? Then all is well.

CHICKENS: These poor creatures can never cross the road without being questioned about their motives. You can (probably) leave the house whenever you want and go wherever you please. You are so damn lucky.

DEER: To remind us to slow the fuck down. Sadly, many deer are slaughtered injured in the process of delivering this message.

DOGS: To keep you company when no one else will. And when your friends turn their backs on you after that really stupid thing you did, don’t worry…a dog will never judge you.

FISH: To remind us how fortunate we are. Every time you look at a fish trapped in a super tiny bowl, just remember, your life isn’t THAT bad. And you can feed yourself. And air won’t kill you.

GIRAFFES: Were you made fun of for being tall and skinny? Just think of what that poor giraffe has to go through. Feel better?

PIGS: If people think you smell awful and that your home is unsanitary, just stand next to a pig. No one will ever judge you again.

SNAKES: You were most likely born with two arms and two legs. Snakes, not so much. God must like you. Don’t you feel blessed?

SQUIRRELS: This one’s more for the men. Squirrels love nuts just as much as men do. But squirrels store their nuts for when they REALLY need them, thus ensuring their survival. Men, take note…hide your junk nuts.

TURTLES: Do people often call you a slowpoke? Just remember, no matter how slow people say you are, turtles will always be slower. Except that one time, in that book…

~*~*~*~*~

Ew, get off me.

So yeah, animals are around to help us feel better, in case you were wondering.

~Lily~