She Is

She is
heart and soul,
a source of
utter joy,
and something more.

She is
mine and yours,
bigger than us both.
She is light
amongst so much dark.

She is
giggles and sighs,
the most beautiful of smiles.
Eyes bright with delight,
she is hope.

She is innocent and pure,
a new way of looking
at this world.
She is love,
she is joy.

She is art
where things once were dull.
She makes sense
of a senseless world.

She is warmth
in this unbearable cold,
she is hope
and so much more…
my baby girl.

 

© Lillian Figueroa — 12/2/2016

 

A Piece Of Me

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Hello, world. Or, hello to the three of you. I thought it was time for a quick update. 1 out of 3 of you may recall that I was pregnant last time I posted. Guess what? Not anymore! Little Sofia was born on Friday, July 31st at 11:27 am. She weighed 8.5 pounds, and measured 20.75 inches long. Beautiful and healthy, with a head FULL of dark hair. She was bigger than anyone expected. I was all belly, and everyone swore I’d have a 6 or 7 pounder. BUT NOPE! She surprised us all. My husband says she came out with her arm sticking out, like making a fist. Almost as if she was saying, “Woohoo, I did it!” Yeah, she did feel a little funny on the way out, so that explains it. I was so busy trying to catch my breath, that it took me a few minutes before I thought to ask, “Wait, is she still a girl?” Haha.

All things considered, I had a pretty good birth experience. I was told I pushed for 45 minutes or so, no more than an hour. I was TOLD this, because I seriously do NOT remember. When you’re in that much pain, you have no concept of time. I mean, it obviously felt like forever in the moment. I had contractions all day Thursday, but they became really intense around midnight/early Friday. Oddly enough, I was very calm that whole day with contractions. It’s like I still couldn’t believe that I would actually be giving birth soon. Even when I made it to the hospital, it felt unreal. My whole pregnancy felt that way though.

I have a high tolerance for pain but WOW… Words cannot describe that kind of pain. They should come up with a new word for contractions, because that one just doesn’t do it justice. At one point I even begged for them to cut me open to get her out, haha. I was not eligible for an epidural due to low blood platelets. Would have been too risky. I thought my face might explode from pushing, not to mention my lungs. Pushing is hard, people. I felt out of breath for a week or two afterwards.

Almost immediately after giving birth though, it’s almost like it never even happened. All of a sudden, there’s a tiny human on your chest, and you wonder, “What do I do now? Did the doctor leave the manual somewhere?” I never imagined how stressful and overwhelming life as a mom would be. BUT every day gets a little easier. Everyone kept telling me that, but those first couple of weeks, you find it hard to believe. I cried a lot. But as hard as it is to be a sleep-deprived slave to a newborn, at the end of the day, I just remember that we have a beautiful, healthy baby girl, and that’s all we can ask for. That, and maybe a bit less fussing and crying. But it is what it is! My husband and my parents have helped keep me sane. And whenever I feel really overwhelmed, I look at my baby and think, “Wow…we made a baby…an actual human being. How amazing is that?” I find it mind-boggling how a tiny egg and a tiny swimmer can create a perfect little human! Part of me still can’t believe I’m a mom. I mean, I have a daughter… What?!

Anyway, I think I’m mostly rambling, so I’ll stop here. With a couple pictures, of course!

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