I Have A Blog?

I have a blog? Well, this is certainly news to me! Imagine that…

Yes, I have been neglecting this poor little blog. I think I’m far past the point of blaming this on writer’s block. I mean, it’s been like, what, a year since I’ve actually put any effort into this?! That is so far beyond the allowed blockage period. What a disgrace! But really, who am I to have a blog? Once upon a time, I tried to be funny. Once in a blue moon, it worked out well. But let me be honest with myself…my life is soooo boring! I don’t have any funny, sad, scary, weird, awesome stories to share. I wish! I’m not some secret spy on a top secret mission, constantly in the throes of danger. I wish! Actually no, no I don’t. I’m recently engaged, but do you think I have any stories about that or the wedding that I’m supposed to be planning? Haha!

There’s still a small part of me (approximately 10.0067801%) that would love to wake up one day, inspired, and go, “AH HA! That’s what I will write, and it will be epic…EPIC!” That’s probably not going to happen, says the other 89.9932199% percent of me. So you might be asking yourself if there’s a point to this blog post. I might be asking myself that same question. I guess for the negative three remaining people who read this, I wanted to let you know that I’m still alive. Still alive and as uninspired as ever. But maybe some day! But maybe not.

And there you have it, the most pointless blog post ever written, by the blogger who often forgets she even has a blog.



I Have A Fiancé?

Can you believe that I’m still not used to the idea of my boyfriend being my fiancé? I keep referring to him as my boyfriend, and people have to keep correcting me. Oops. How do you get used to changing someone’s label? He’s had the “boyfriend” label on him for so long now. That’s quite a bit of paperwork.

Now that I do, in fact, have a fiancé, I should probably start thinking about planning this thing, huh? Yeah, probably. I can’t even begin to wrap my head around the adventure that is wedding planning. So many details, costs, stress. Ehhh, city hall, anyone? Don’t get me wrong, I love him and I’m excited to be getting married finally. And I’m really looking forward to dress shopping. But…that’s about it. I don’t know how I’m supposed to pick a date and a place and all the other nonsense involved. Don’t weddings seem to be more about the guests anyway? You have to feed them and impress them and stuff. Le sigh. I sound horrible, don’t I? But really, even applying for a marriage license sounds confusing. And they expire after only about 30 days. What the hell! Why should you even need a fucking license to get married? Driving a car, sure, but getting married? Ugh. You know how I feel about stupid rules.

My friend Michelle, whose beautiful wedding I was recently in, has been very helpful. It’s nice that she got to go through this first, because now I get to annoy her with questions, lol. And I’ll get to annoy my mom and all you lucky readers too! Any tips or suggestions are required welcome. Seriously, help me. How does one stay sane while trying to plan a wedding? Especially when said wedding is in Puerto Rico, and I live in New Jersey. WHAT??? How did I get myself into this mess? Oh yeah, because I said, “Yes!”


P.S. I really do love him. I know I’m complaining a lot, but that’s what future brides are supposed to do. I just want to have our special day and that’s it. Just cut the crap and skip right to the honeymoon happily ever after. Is that so bad?



See You In Germany

Shame on me, I haven’t posted about my brother (in the Army) in a while! He finished his Advanced Individual Training (with Honors) right before Thanksgiving, and has been home since. It was definitely great being able to spend some time with him, and listening to some of his stories. He’s leaving for Germany on Thursday for two years. Every single person we’ve heard from has had nothing but wonderful things to say about Germany. The only sucky thing is that it’s not cheap flying to/from Germany, so we won’t see him unless we fly there. Yikes! Still, it’ll be a great experience for him. I’m sure there’s lots to see, and he’ll be able to visit France and other places while he’s there too. I’m happy for him and wish him nothing but the best, and a very safe trip there! Hopefully we’ll find a way to visit him, because two years is a long time.

Anyway, I just wanted to write a quick update. Even though it’s been a while, it’s still weird when I think about my brother being in the Army. How’d that happen? But we’re all very proud. He’s done great (got lots of certificates/awards) and I think it’s cool that he’s learned all these things. (He’s a medic.) He’s thinking of making a career out of this, so good for him! That’s all for now. Auf Wiedersehen! That’s goodbye in German…



Just To Summarize…

This has been an interesting week, to say the least. Two major things happened, two things which are so contrary to one another.

On Tuesday morning, I looked outside the window to see that it was currently snowing, and slowly accumulating. I’m the kind of person who doesn’t even want to go to work when it’s raining, let alone snowing. I thought, maybe they’ll close the office or something, or at least send an e-mail for us to drive safe and use our best judgement. That didn’t happen, so against my better judgement, I went to work. And then this happened…







I got into an accident, in case you couldn’t figure that out. And it’s not that I was driving carelessly. I swear I’m a good driver. I was coming up to a light and started braking, and the car just wouldn’t stop. I was scared so I pressed on the brakes harder, which I now realize is the opposite of what you should do when there’s snow/ice on the road. So BAM. My first fender bender. (And hopefully the last.) The other car was perfectly fine, no visible damage. It was a large mini-van with an enormous bumper. I was so pissed, because I should’ve just listened to my lazy gut and stayed home.

Then yesterday, (Wednesday) this happened…

It's about time!
It’s about time!

I got engaged! Finally! We’ve only been in a relationship for nearly a decade, counting the years we were in a long-distance relationship. We were having dinner with my parents and my brother at Friday’s. (Fancy, I know…) We were talking and all of a sudden, he goes, “Well…anyway…before I leave for Puerto Rico…will you marry me?” And I said, “Really?! Here?” And then I said, “Yes, of course!”  I was laughing the whole time, because it was so random, very few words, no getting down on one-knee. But I always knew he wasn’t the most creative or romantic type of guy. It almost felt like it wasn’t happening, because it was so random. But hey, we love each other and that’s all that matters. About an hour after he proposed, it hit me. “Crap, now I need to PLAN this thing?” Yeah, guess I’m not so romantic myself.

Accident one day, proposal the next day. Who knew?!


Rules (And Taxes) Can Bite Me

How does a person become the rule maker? Because I want to be that person. Current rule makers are busy making rules that are retarded as fuck only serve to annoy people and make them do more work than necessary. Renewing your license, for example. Why must we fill out that stupid form (every time!) and bring 6-points worth of documents with us? It’s not like those documents actually prove that we know how to drive. (Yeah, because my being born really proves that I’m a responsible driver.) Then when you complain, all you hear is, “Sorry, but those are the rules…” That’s  the worst excuse in the world. Somebody MADE UP those rules, and they could easily unmake them if they weren’t such a giant butt-hole.

Buying a house is a great example of how much rules suck. Now that we’re considering buying a house, (because paying rent is the equivalent to throwing your money out the window on a windy day) we’re realizing just how annoying all these rules are. Why can’t you just find a house, make an offer, mortgage approved, sign, and be done with it? That’s complicated enough without all the back and forth, figuring out your budget, attorney/Realtor costs, inspection/appraisal costs, closing cost, other costs that they sneak in there, plus making sure the house has all the necessary C.O.’s. What the fuck? I thought there was only one C.O. Now I find out that if you finish a basement, you need a permit. If you add a garage or extend the bedroom or add a fucking window, there’s a permit for that shit too.

Why do you need permission to make a house better? Oh right, because even if you pay it off, the damn thing is never yours. You’ll pay taxes for the rest of your life, which is basically just a slightly lower mortgage. Why are we forced to pay taxes? Is it because those are the rules? You must pay taxes until you die. But only because they haven’t figured out a way to charge taxes on the other side. Do you realize that with cars and homes, we pay more in taxes than the car or house is worth? If the land is just sitting there NOT doing anything, why do we need to pay $5,000 – $20,000 for the grass that just happens to sit around the house? Because the money funds the schools? FIND ANOTHER WAY TO PAY FOR SCHOOLS!

This post was only supposed to be about how much rules suck, but then I realized that taxes suck even harder. And not winning the lottery sucks the most. Because if you win the lottery, you don’t have to worry about how much to put down while still leaving enough money for attorney/Realtor/closing costs, AND leaving enough for house repairs and/or an emergencies. Not to say that money fixes everything, but…yeah, it kinda does. So fuck.


What Can I Say?

A month later, I force myself to open up WordPress and type something, anything. A month of silence, and rather than coming back inspired, I come back just as empty as before.  Perhaps even emptier. What can I say?

A month later, and not much has changed. Everything is as routine and boring as ever. Is life meant to be this way? Go to work, eat, sleep, and repeat? Shouldn’t there be more to life than that? I have no clue. What can I say?

A month later, and I find myself feeling more bitter every day. A month of double the work, double the stress, and half the appreciation. A month of wondering, is it even worth it? Is this what I want to do for the rest of my life? What can I say?

Maybe in another month or so, I’ll have a new perspective. I’m not always this negative. Despite hating how quickly time flies, a part of me is excited for the new year. Work will slow down, the stress will ease, and maybe I’ll find time for inspiration. Maybe. I have this feeling that something exciting will happen in the near future. A symbolic ring, a promise of forever? Who knows. There’s a glimmer of hope, and something to look forward to. Until then…what can I say?


Help, I’m Trapped In My Shirt

Can someone please explain how it’s possible to put on a shirt, and then not know how the hell you’re supposed to take it OFF? I can’t be alone here. It was a day like any other day. (Pretending to sound dramatic.) I received my online order, and was excited to try everything on. In hindsight, that was very naïve of me. I grabbed the first blouse, but hesitated putting it on because of the lack of stretch. I should’ve known not to take the risk, but what the hell, what’s life without a little risk? Trying on clothes is fun! Well, it was easy enough getting into. While it was on, it looked fine. A little loose, but in a good way, because who needs to see my love handles?

But then…THEN…I decided I should take it off and try on the next top. Makes sense, because when you try something on, you’ll eventually need to take it off. Easier said than done. Maybe I never learned how to properly remove my clothing. Maybe I’m just totally clueless. Or maybe there needs to be a law about all tops having at least 5% elasticity in the waist and shoulder areas, for those of us who are, you know…NOT PERFECT. Because maybe some people have broader shoulders than others, and can’t just gracefully remove the top over their head. Maybe some people can’t bend their elbows awkwardly enough in order to find their way out of the arm-hole. Maybe, asshole, it shouldn’t be so damn complicated to take off a fucking shirt.

Attention, clothes-maker. The removal of one’s clothing should not cause one to sweat, you hear me? Absolutely not. Removal of one’s clothing should also not cause slight to moderate panic attacks at the thought of being trapped in the garment forever, or the thought of having to scissor your way through a brand new shirt. None of these things should happen. EVER. Maybe if I had a perfectly proportional body, it wouldn’t be such a workout to get in and out of non-stretchy tops. Perhaps the clothes were being intentionally difficult, so as to inspire me to work out or chop off my love handles and shoulders. Or maybe none of that should matter, because who the hell are you to judge? Just make your clothes stretchy and forgiving, would you? I should hope this incident will not soon repeat itself. You’ve been warned, evil clothes-makers. So beware. Because, yeah. There’s jack shit I can do about it.



Crickets, Meet Your Maker

Crickets and I have a love/hate relationship. As in, I love to hate them. Almost exactly a year ago, I wrote about a cricket problem. The noise was everywhere, haunting me. I stalked the crickets for days before my shoe finally found them. After they were gone, I could still hear them in my head. That’s how bad it was. I suppose they enjoy coming out to pester me this time of year because…they’re back! Did you know it was cricket season? Thanks for the warning.

I’ve yet to see one inside my apartment, but they’re close. Too close for comfort. Every single day, I see a cricket inside the foyer. (The space between the outside door and my apartment door…that’s a foyer, right?) In the last week or so, I’ve killed a handful of them. I’ve lost track. What the hell is going on with my foyer? Let me tell you, I am damn tired of being afraid to enter my own home! I open the outside door, close it, and before I unlock the second door, I do a cricket/critter check. It never fails, there’s always one. The other day, there was one just over my door. I knew it would jump inside my apartment if I cracked the door open, so I stood there like a moron, waiting for the chance to smack the shit out of it.

Do you believe that it’s bad luck to kill a cricket? Do you also believe in Santa Claus? I think it’s pretty ridiculous to believe that a cricket is good luck, and that to kill it would bring bad karma. If that were true, then I’m cursed! Who died and made crickets special anyway? Crickets are basically deformed spiders. They may not use web, but their jumping skills are not to be underestimated. My handle trembles every time I’m about to smack the life out of a cricket, because, ewww…what if it jumps on me in an effort to escape my shoe? *Cringes* I usually have to take a few swings before I finally nail the sucker, therefore increasing the odds of the cricket jumping on me. It’s a tough job, but someone has to do it.

I live in repulsion fear of these pesky critters. No matter how many crickets I murder, they keep coming back for more. I think they’re ganging up against me, trying to see how many of them can make it inside my home. I’m doing the best I can, but my boyfriend doesn’t seem to realize how serious this issue is. He left our apartment door open a crack yesterday. OPEN! The opening was large enough for a cricket to squeeze in. Simply unacceptable. I’m going to have to do something about that boyfriend of mine. How can he go on with his life, as if crickets weren’t a true menace to society my sanity?! How does he do it? *Sigh* Don’t worry about me though, I’m strong. I won’t let them win. They will not steal my sanity, not this time! (How can I lose something I never had to begin with? Yes, I just called myself crazy.)


P.S. Yes, I tend to exaggerate.

In The End

There, there,
dry your eyes.
Tears won’t turn back
the hands of time;
but you can try.

You can cry and scream,
beg and plead,
pray to the heavens,
down on your knees;
little good that will do.

Or you can feign in defeat,
that you’ve forgotten,
that your conscience
is saintly clean;
what a little liar.

But in the end,
none of that will matter.
In the end, the truth
can never be detained.

In the end,
you never can
wash the blood
from your hands.*

© Lillian F – 8/29/2013

**Inspired by the song “Oceans” by Evanescence. The last stanza is a line from this song. I’ve always loved that line. Too bad I couldn’t do it justice. Writer’s block is a bitch! (I know, don’t you love how much confidence I have in myself?)**

Welcome To The Sooner State

I went to Oklahoma, and lived to tell about it. It’s been…a long few days, to say the least. I’m just glad we all went. It was great seeing my brother, a U.S. Soldier. So weird saying that! Part of me thinks he became a soldier just so that he could call us civilians, lol. When we made it to the base on Thursday, it didn’t take long for me to start tearing up, and I hadn’t even seen him yet! It’s just hard to explain the feeling that you get when you’re there. I never had any feelings about military life, but having someone in the Army has changed that. I can’t express how much in awe I am with all the men and women who are making this sacrifice. I’m beyond proud of my little brother. We got to spend most of the day together on Thursday and Friday. It was nice catching up and hearing about the things he’s gone through. Friday was the graduation, which again had me tearing up. It was a lovely ceremony. It’s hard not to get emotional about these things. It’s a big deal, you know? My brother graduated Basic Combat Training with Honors, in the top ten percent of the graduating class. We were all very proud when we heard that. It was sad leaving him Friday night. Two days isn’t much time, but at least we got to see him and visit the base. We’ll definitely never forget it. Now he’s in Texas, getting ready for Advanced Individual Training. He’s looking forward to it, which is all that matters. I wish him LOTS of luck, and look forward to seeing him in Texas!

The trip itself was pretty exhausting; four flights in four days is a lot, especially when you hate flying. Our first flight was delayed by 4 hours. Why wouldn’t it be, considering we had a connecting flight shortly after? It would be so boring if things worked out easily. The flight was delayed for practically every reason under the sun. Air traffic control, weather, awaiting incoming aircraft. All that was missing was a terror threat. Our second flight was delayed as well, but it was still scheduled to leave RIGHT before our first flight was scheduled to arrive. It was like an adventure, to see if we could arrive in the past, in order to make our future flight. We did get lucky though. They held the second flight just for the three of us. (Apparently we were the only ones connecting from our first flight.) We were very grateful for this small miracle. We made it to Oklahoma around 2:00 am. Who needs sleep anyway? You’d think it was enough to have survived two flights in one day, delays and all, but no…why should anything be easy? We arrived at the Enterprise rental car, and no one was there! They decided they don’t need to stay open after 12:00 am, because flights are NEVER scheduled to arrive at night, nor do flights ever get delayed. Like, never EVER. Morons. So we had to pay more money to rent from another rental place that was open. Then their systems went down. Finally, after a long wait, we got to leave the stinkin’ airport. We had to drive over an hour from Oklahoma City to Lawton. I’ve never seen such a straight highway, one with very few exits. It was creepy. We were trapped.

Here’s where it gets fun. We were only a few miles away, so we started looking for the hotel. It’s 4:00 am at this point. Finally, the GPS told us our destination was on the right. Yup, there it was, on the right. On a small hill with a fence and no road leading to it. What the hell? The GPS told us to take an exit (the wrong one) which took us to the other side of the highway, even FURTHER away from this mystery hotel. It’s like Oklahoma was taunting us. “Haha! You can see the hotel, but you’ll never find it! Na-na-na-na-na!” We finally took another exit which took us to a small road that eventually lead to the hotel. It didn’t get better after that, as we got lost every single time we left the hotel, no matter where we were headed, no matter how close it was. We didn’t learn anything in the few days we were there. In our defense, Oklahoma is confusing. And in my defense, I wasn’t the one driving. A lot of times, I knew which way we should turn. And I’m horrible with directions! Listening to my parents bicker at each other was fun though. “Wrong way, it was a left! PAY ATTENTION! Watch out! The sign says no U-turns! We don’t need a U-turn, just turn LEFT!”

Other than that, Oklahoma was…empty. We barely saw any houses, and there was never much traffic. There were cows and dry grass, but other than that, not much to see. It was 105 degrees while we were there. I checked the weather yesterday, and it was only in the seventies. Of course it would cool off after we left. Oklahoma’s a bitch. But we survived, and that’s all that matters. I would have been mad at myself if I hadn’t gone, so I’m glad I did. It’s good to be back to civilization though. There are crowds and stores and plenty of gas stations. All very important things. Now it’s back to reality and catching up on work, which is always fun. Have a great week everyone!


Oklahoma, The Sooner State. As in, the sooner you leave, the better.



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