Just To Summarize…

This has been an interesting week, to say the least. Two major things happened, two things which are so contrary to one another.

On Tuesday morning, I looked outside the window to see that it was currently snowing, and slowly accumulating. I’m the kind of person who doesn’t even want to go to work when it’s raining, let alone snowing. I thought, maybe they’ll close the office or something, or at least send an e-mail for us to drive safe and use our best judgement. That didn’t happen, so against my better judgement, I went to work. And then this happened…







I got into an accident, in case you couldn’t figure that out. And it’s not that I was driving carelessly. I swear I’m a good driver. I was coming up to a light and started braking, and the car just wouldn’t stop. I was scared so I pressed on the brakes harder, which I now realize is the opposite of what you should do when there’s snow/ice on the road. So BAM. My first fender bender. (And hopefully the last.) The other car was perfectly fine, no visible damage. It was a large mini-van with an enormous bumper. I was so pissed, because I should’ve just listened to my lazy gut and stayed home.

Then yesterday, (Wednesday) this happened…

It's about time!
It’s about time!

I got engaged! Finally! We’ve only been in a relationship for nearly a decade, counting the years we were in a long-distance relationship. We were having dinner with my parents and my brother at Friday’s. (Fancy, I know…) We were talking and all of a sudden, he goes, “Well…anyway…before I leave for Puerto Rico…will you marry me?” And I said, “Really?! Here?” And then I said, “Yes, of course!”  I was laughing the whole time, because it was so random, very few words, no getting down on one-knee. But I always knew he wasn’t the most creative or romantic type of guy. It almost felt like it wasn’t happening, because it was so random. But hey, we love each other and that’s all that matters. About an hour after he proposed, it hit me. “Crap, now I need to PLAN this thing?” Yeah, guess I’m not so romantic myself.

Accident one day, proposal the next day. Who knew?!


Things I Can’t Stand – Part 1


Accidents happen every day, multiple times a day. It’s an unfortunate part of life. While it’s perfectly natural to be morbidly curious about an accident, it is not perfectly natural to drive 10 mph on a highway just to satisfy that curiosity. First off, it’s rude. Second, it’s rude. And third, it’s still rude. It’s rude because no one appreciates being stared at. It’s rude because you shouldn’t want to see someone’s guts scattered on the highway. And it’s rude because everyone behind you wants to get the fuck home and you’re slowing them the fuck down. STOP MAKING TRAFFIC. You’ll never get a good look at the scene anyway, so why bother? It doesn’t even have to be an accident. You’ll stare at any idiot with a car that won’t start or a flat tire. You know, curiosity killed the cat…a very rude cat. STOP. BEING. SO. DAMN. RUDE. If you really want to see a nasty accident, just Google it.

You know why it’s called rubbernecking? Because it’s fucking unnatural. Because our necks aren’t made out of rubber, and they’re not supposed to stretch like that. It’s unnatural because you should be looking in front of you in an effort to avoid getting into an accident, like the idiot you’re staring at. Wouldn’t that be stupid? Crashing your car because you just had to look at that car crash? That would be epic. Stupid’s probably a better word. Fucking retarded. Okay, rant over. This was a very toned down rant. That’s because I’m sure many of you are guilty of rubbernecking, and I really didn’t want to offend you too much. You know, because I love you. “Things I Can’t Stand” is probably going to be a new mini series on my blog. I will attempt to post things in this series, whenever I can’t think of anything else to blog about. Or…this could be the first and last time I do this. If you know me at all, you know it can go either way. Okay, don’t hold your breath for Part 2.


                                   2001-05-23                 images (1)

The Way You Pulled In Makes Me Wish Your Father Had Pulled Out

Disclaimer: This post is gonna sound slightly hypocritical considering I recently crashed into a building while “parking” but let’s put that aside, shall we? Oh, you forgot about that? Damn, why do I keep bringing it up? Moving on…

Why aren’t we taught how to properly park? Better yet, why aren’t we taught how to fucking drive? I don’t know about other states, but in New Jersey, the road test (to get your license) consists of parallel parking, executing a k-turn, and driving in reverse. Parallel parking has got to be everyone’s worst nightmare. I’m still surprised I passed, trembling hands and all. Know how often I’ve parallel parked since then? Let me do a little math in my head, um, hmm, oh wait…NEVER!  Executing a k-turn? Much easier than the parallel thing but equally as unimportant. Driving in reverse? Wtf? I’m sorry, I prefer driving going FORWARD. (I know we need to reverse out of parking spaces, but you don’t often have to DRIVE in reverse…in a STRAIGHT line.) So, you do those three things and you’re granted a license. WOO HOO! Thank you MVC of NJ, you may now kindly take responsibility for all car accidents. Sheesh, I wonder why there are so many of them…

I could probably ramble on forever about bad drivers. We all deal with them on a daily basis. (Actually, now that I’m home every day, I don’t deal with them, but whatever.) People who tailgate, people who cut you off, people who drive 100mph, people who drive 10mph, people who won’t let you merge even though it would only take 2 seconds out of their life, people who are texting or doing their makeup, people who can’t stay in their lane, people who are brake-happy, people over the age of 65, etc. Oh, look at that, I didn’t mean to ramble but I did it anyway.

Anyway, the point of this post (is there ever one?) is bad parking. It never fails, whenever one person parks like an ass, the next person parks like an ass too. So then you’ve got a parking lot full of asses.  (Doesn’t smell pretty.) If one person would just put in a LITTLE effort, skip a space, and park as perfectly as possible, then they’d be setting a great example. And possibly (though not likely) the next person would be like, “Aw, look how well that person parked! So straight, and centered in their little space. I’m gonna park like that too!” I know, do I live on a cloud or something?

I HATE when cars (especially the tiny ones, wtf?) park practically on top of you. So close that you would need to climb in through the passenger door. (Or the sunroof if you’re surrounded by two assholes.) I can understand being a little crooked, but to park on top of people? What is wrong with you? How rude and inconsiderate. If you force me to climb in through the passenger door, you can bet your ass I’m gonna leave a nasty (but pretty) pink post-it on your car. The SUPER STICKY kind…take that! And then there are the people who double park. Is it just me, or is it always the people with small cars who do this? Do you think you own the place? I also hate, hate, hate when people just throw their doors open with no consideration to the car next to them. “Hey asswipe, are you gonna pay for my paint job? Oh no? Then unless you’re trying to make room for an elephant, learn how to open a fucking door!”

There, I think I’ve said what I needed to say. Want to find out if you’re an asswipe bad at parking? If you regularly do any of the following, then yes…you’re an asswipe. No offense. 😀


Aw shucks, you almost passed.
Really? Eat shit and die.
Oh wow, I didn’t realize you owned the whole parking lot.
A little effort goes a long way…
Okay, this one’s just for fun.


One Text, One Life

One decision, seemingly harmless, can change your life forever. Much like drinking, texting and driving don’t really get along all that well. (I know, hard to believe.) It doesn’t matter who you are or what you do, YOU ARE NOT SO IMPORTANT that you can’t wait until you’ve stopped driving to send a text. Is the world going to end if you don’t reply to a text right away? Do you think your friend will assume you’re dead if they don’t hear from you for 10 minutes? Well, you could be dead as you type away on your not-so-smart-phone, miss the red light and rear-end the car in front of you, pushing both cars into a busy intersection. Or, even more probable, you could come out of the accident completely unscathed, while the person in the other car is not so lucky.

Now you have to live with the guilt of having killed a fellow human being…somebody’s relative, somebody’s partner, somebody’s friend. You’ll probably spend a few years in jail, but no amount of time in prison could ever bring back the person YOU killed due to your recklessness. No amount of counseling could ever rid you of the memory of that person’s lifeless body being dragged out of the wreckage, or the sound of the wailing sirens signaling that help has arrived much too late.

Every time you get back into the driver’s seat, or hear the sound of an incoming text, you’ll remember. Was it worth it? Did that three worded text change the life of the person you sent it to, like it changed yours?  Irrevocably so. It must be hard facing your best friend, knowing that your carelessness resulted in the tragic death of their spouse. And even if your friends and family don’t accuse you, because after all, you didn’t commit premeditated murder, living with a heavy conscience is punishment enough.

In time, people on the street will no longer remember you as the person whose texting resulted in somebody’s death. Too bad the memory will haunt you forever. Too bad the victim’s family will never forget. Too bad time doesn’t heal all wounds.


*This is why I don’t like watching the news. You hear stories about crimes and accidents every day. It just amazes me how many accidents could be avoided if people just stopped to think first. There are already so many natural ways to die for us to be adding negligence and stupidity to that list. Anyway…I’ll try to post something less serious next time.*

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