Up The Wall Like Spider-Man, If Spider-Man Drove A Car

Ever since I started blogging (a whopping 3 ½ weeks ago), I’ve found myself wishing I had a more interesting life so I’d have more writing material. I find myself thinking, “Damn, why doesn’t anything ever happen to me?” Well, I changed my mind. I’m okay with my dull life. I don’t want drama. I don’t want a shady past, skeletons in my closet, relation to a mafia family, a psychotic ex boyfriend trying to kill me, none of that. K? Thanks life.

This afternoon, I did something stupid. Nothing as interesting as anything I mentioned above, but interesting enough considering my life is quite dull. I rammed into my apartment building in my beautiful (poor little) car. I pulled into the parking spot and wanted to check that I was in between the lines. [Apparently I have this thing with trying to park as perfectly as possible, and I almost never get it right the first time.] I opened the door, thinking I had already put the car into Park…when all of a sudden, the car starts moving forward. From that point on, it was like a dream. I could see the brick wall coming towards me but I felt like I had no way of stopping it! Everything went in slow motion, and it was scary as f**k. For some reason, I couldn’t seem to find the brake pedal. I’m pretty sure my foot was RIGHT next to it, but nope, I couldn’t find it. I may or may not have hit the gas. I don’t remember doing that, but the curb and the grass is a mini up-slope and I hit the building kind of hard, so my boyfriend is convinced I accelerated. If I did, I didn’t mean to. I wanted nothing more than to BRAKE. So my bumper makes contact with the building….BAM! My chin makes contact with the steering wheel…OUCH!

It looks like my chin gave birth to a chin.

Here’s the part that I always forget about: when a car rams into something, the bumper reacts (bounces) and the car ends up moving either forward or backwards. Well, my car started moving backwards and I freaked out some more, because I forgot that was normal. I thought my car was possessed, or that the brakes were shot. All I know is I was hitting the brake [I finally found it] and it didn’t stop right away…until it did. PRAISE somebody, there wasn’t a car directly behind me because then I’d have TWO bumpers to take care of. *Breathes a sigh of relief* Needless to say, I was quite shaken up. I finally managed to park again, and this time I very slowly braked, moved the shift to the letter P, and put the E-brake on. At this point, who the f**k cares if I was perfectly centered within the two lines!

I took a few seconds to just breathe. I think I was mumbling, “Please let this be a stupid dream, please tell me I’m not THAT stupid…please wake up, wake up!” Yeah, nice try. I finally got out to inspect the damage. From a distance, you probably couldn’t tell anything happened. [If I still had my old Toyota, it would have looked like death. So kudos to Mercedes-Benz.] The bumper was slightly “off” but it wasn’t dented in the front. Scratched, yes…I mean geeze, my car was trying to climb the wall…but it could have been much worse. Once you pop the hood, you can see I cracked this aluminum something behind the bumper…yeah, that thing.

I’m just so mad at myself. I’ve only had this car since February and I can’t believe I damaged it MYSELF. When you damage things yourself, YOU have to pay for them. So when possible, make sure someone else does the damage so someone else can pay. Got that? I’ve never been in a car accident [well, someone rear ended me once while I was stopped at a light, but that’s not my fault] and then I go and do this…it’s so lame!  That’s the last time I try to scale the wall like Spider-Man. Psshhh…I learned my lesson.


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