I hope that at least one of you remembers this old post, What Facebook Has Taught Me, because I sure never thought I’d have an update to it! I was scrolling through Facebook while watching The Bachelor (because I have no shame/I really don’t know why I watch shit TV). I had to check my Facebook five times, because with the hot messes on my TV screen, I really just couldn’t believe what I was seeing! Here’s a quick summary of the first post.
- Manwhore dates two women simultaneously.
- One of them thinks they’re getting engaged, when all of a sudden, he publicly announces his relationship with the other one.
- Months go by, and suddenly he’s with a third new girl. They are SO in love.
- Shortly after, he’s a dad! But with another baby mama. New girl knows about this.
- Turns out, the new girl is newly pregnant, so there was an overlap there. Side eye.
- He has a son with one women, and a daughter with his current women. Months apart.
- So he has two kids with two baby mamas. That’s worth repeating, so I did.
- They are on again, off again. She’s super in love, and very public about it when they’re on again.
- Years later, she’s still writing lovey dovey posts about him…
Okay, present day. He has this habit of disappearing from Facebook whenever there’s drama, which is often, because, manwhore. So I was quite surprised to see his name on my News Feed today. Even more surprised when I saw that it was an ENGAGEMENT announcement. He’s engaged! But wait, I don’t recognize the girl’s name. I was so confused, and way too interested to ignore it. So, she’s not the first girl, or the second, or the first baby mama, or the second baby mama. She’s a newbie, but apparently, they’ve been together long enough to be engaged. What the what? So I go onto his most recent baby mama’s Facebook page, and she seems to have no clue! She literally tagged him in a post an HOUR after the engagement announcement. Cue sad face. He has her most recent posts hidden from his page, though. What an ass.
I feel so bad for this chick, but also, not really… She’s been with him for almost 4 years. She put up with him having had a child MONTHS before hers was born. She put up with the nonstop break-ups and make-ups. But wait! It gets worse. I went back to her page, and read one of the recent posts she tagged him in. She was sharing a pic of their child, and wrote, “I miss her being this little. Can’t wait until our new little peanut is here.” Did you catch that? SHE’S PREGNANT AGAIN WITH HIS BABY, AND HE’S ENGAGED TO SOMEONE ELSE!! Mind blown. You can’t make this shit up. I feel like I know their whole life story, and shouldn’t, but that’s social media for you. Thank you, Facebook. Thank you, crazy people. Sorry, baby #3…
Should they stumble upon this blog post some day, let it be a lesson to them… To get to know people better, to use condoms regularly, to keep your women on separate social media sites, to stalk your man’s profile to make sure there are no shady posts from other women, etc… Before we know it, he’ll be fathering a 4th child with baby mama #3. I don’t think my brain can handle that though. This is getting to be confusing. Does his fiancée know his past? If not, she already has something in common with the other women…she’s blind. (He must be really good in bed…) This is almost as embarrassing as admitting to watching The Bachelor, but I kind of can’t wait to see when baby mama #2 discovers his new fiancée. Stay tuned, because whether you care or not, I will update if that happens…
Good day, all, and please, use social media (and condoms) wisely.
If the person I’m writing about happens to google something that leads him to this post, I am SO very sorry. But nobody here knows who you are, what your name is, or what you look like. They just know that you’re allergic to condoms, and obsessed with female parts. So, you know, it’s not so bad, right?