Help, I’m Trapped In My Shirt

Can someone please explain how it’s possible to put on a shirt, and then not know how the hell you’re supposed to take it OFF? I can’t be alone here. It was a day like any other day. (Pretending to sound dramatic.) I received my online order, and was excited to try everything on. In hindsight, that was very naïve of me. I grabbed the first blouse, but hesitated putting it on because of the lack of stretch. I should’ve known not to take the risk, but what the hell, what’s life without a little risk? Trying on clothes is fun! Well, it was easy enough getting into. While it was on, it looked fine. A little loose, but in a good way, because who needs to see my love handles?

But then…THEN…I decided I should take it off and try on the next top. Makes sense, because when you try something on, you’ll eventually need to take it off. Easier said than done. Maybe I never learned how to properly remove my clothing. Maybe I’m just totally clueless. Or maybe there needs to be a law about all tops having at least 5% elasticity in the waist and shoulder areas, for those of us who are, you know…NOT PERFECT. Because maybe some people have broader shoulders than others, and can’t just gracefully remove the top over their head. Maybe some people can’t bend their elbows awkwardly enough in order to find their way out of the arm-hole. Maybe, asshole, it shouldn’t be so damn complicated to take off a fucking shirt.

Attention, clothes-maker. The removal of one’s clothing should not cause one to sweat, you hear me? Absolutely not. Removal of one’s clothing should also not cause slight to moderate panic attacks at the thought of being trapped in the garment forever, or the thought of having to scissor your way through a brand new shirt. None of these things should happen. EVER. Maybe if I had a perfectly proportional body, it wouldn’t be such a workout to get in and out of non-stretchy tops. Perhaps the clothes were being intentionally difficult, so as to inspire me to work out or chop off my love handles and shoulders. Or maybe none of that should matter, because who the hell are you to judge? Just make your clothes stretchy and forgiving, would you? I should hope this incident will not soon repeat itself. You’ve been warned, evil clothes-makers. So beware. Because, yeah. There’s jack shit I can do about it.




22 thoughts on “Help, I’m Trapped In My Shirt

  1. The careful observer wants to know why this entry was posted, pulled, and posted again. Hmmm.
    Anyway, glad you where able to excape the straitjacket that you ordered. As a reader of this particular entry, I was hoping that the boyfriend walked in with his camera phone ready to capture the struggling moment where the sweat just started.

    1. Damn, I was hoping no one noticed. Here’s why, because I wasn’t paying attention, and instead of hitting “save draft” I accidentally hit publish. I was so mad at myself. I wasn’t going to post it until after uploading the photo my boyfriend took of the struggling moment, but alas, it wasn’t meant to be.

      1. Misty, no matter how far you walk, they’ll get you. Sometimes I get caught in my desk drawer with a long top. Sometimes I get caught on the armrest as I embarrassingly struggle out of my chair. Clothes are just evil all-around.

  2. I am a very curvy girl. VERY. So, if I have even the slightest trouble putting some ON, I know that I will never ever be able to get it off and will die in that article of clothing and do not put it on. I don’t care how cute it is. It’s not worth my eternal struggle and frustration.

    1. Hm, you’re much smarter than I am. I shouldn’t have done it, but I did, cuz it was cuuuuute. It wasn’t as difficult putting it on. It’s not fair! We should not be punished for curves and love handles and excess…’stuff.’

  3. HAHAHA, at first I had no idea what you meant, but yes too many times I have been stuck in a shirt or dress thinking… this is going to rip. Have you ever tried clothes on in the store and it will not let your body go. I think it’s a plot, you cannot take me off without ripping me and then you will feel so guilty you will have to buy me. Stupid shirt trying to tell me what I will and will not have to do; it is more likely I will angrily tell the sales associate the clothes committed suicide. I feel your pain.

    1. Yeah, stupid shirts! I’ve never been in that situation in a store, at least. Usually I’m too lazy to try on in stores, anyway. Mostly I online shop. 😉 But yes, it’s so irritating, especially when the shirt technically FITS, it’s just not easy to get in/out of. Ridiculous!

      1. I don’t try stuff on in the store either, unless it’s an important (expensive) thing… like a bridesmaid dress. Nothing I could want to be stuck in less!

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