I realize my title today might lead you to believe that I’ll be discussing being constipated using the bathroom, but I assure you, that’s exactly what I wanted you to think. However, it’s probably best to stay away from such intimate topics on a public blog. You’re welcome. I might have titled this post Restroom Needs, but the term restroom bothers me. How many people go to the restroom to rest? I don’t know about you, but I don’t find public bathrooms very relaxing. Quite the opposite, really. How many people have left residue on that toilet seat? (How hard is it to clean up after yourself?) How many people forgot to flush before me? (Seriously, how do you forget to flush?) How many people decided not to wash their hands, and then put their germs all over the door? To all those people, I say, YOU SUCK.
But alas, I’m not here to pass judgement. (That’s not a typo…I chose to spell it the British way because it looks better.) Here’s my complaint. Why the frickity fruck frack don’t bathrooms have automatic doors? There are automatic doors practically everywhere except the one place you need it most. I’m not saying we don’t need automatic doors in other places, but come on! How could any automatic-door-placement-decision-maker not realize the importance of automatic doors in bathrooms? It should be common sense. People wipe themselves and then touch the door. They wipe things and touch doors! I am outraged. OUTRAGED, I say!
Actually, no, I’m not that intense. But I raise a very valid point, if I do say so myself, which I do…I say so. Another valid point to be made is the fact that I just dedicated an entire post to bathrooms, and possibly, I grossed you out a tiny bit. Or more than just a tiny bit. Good. My work here is done. Which works out splendidly because I’ve run out of things to say. So………