Before I leave for Puerto Rico, I just need to ask you for one favor. It’s a simple favor, really. Don’t post anything interesting while I’m gone. Better yet, don’t post anything at all. Got it? Simple, right? Good, thank you.
I’ll probably figure out how to get internet access on my laptop, (optimism) but there’s still a huge chance that I’ll be left to die with no internet access (pessimism). In that case, I’ll occasionally be able to browse a few posts on my phone, (glimmer of hope) but I don’t have unlimited data so that won’t get me very far (hopelessness). If I DO get to read some of your posts, I probably won’t be able to comment as often as I’d like to (reality). You’ll learn to forgive me eventually (fact).
Absolutely no thought has gone into the things I’ve packed. I was so excited to use my new suitcase, that I just threw things in there. Yeah, that’s pretty stupid. Apparently, I filled it with shirts that look like all the other shirts, only in different colors. There are a few nice tops, but mostly, my summer clothes suck. I would love to buy a whole new wardrobe and tons of shoes. And I would…if I didn’t care about money. If I knew for SURE that the world was ending this year, then I would have spent all my money on clothes and a brand new Benz. Er, um, I mean, I would have donated it all to charity. You don’t need money in hell heaven, you know. You can get in for free. All it’ll cost you is your life. Haha! (Not funny.)
I’m going to be really good while I’m on vacation. I’m not bringing any candy with me, and they don’t sell my favorites over there, so I’m giving it all up. I’ll go a whole…month…without my…Hershey’s Bliss or my…Starburst GummiBursts. I, uh…sorry, I’m choking back tears here. But yeah, surely I’ll survive without those things. There’s the sun and beautiful beaches and, uh, delicious food and…no internet access or candy, and oh-my-gosh, it’s going to be awful. Oh, the horror!
Goodbye for now, my loves. I’ll try to enjoy myself, but only because you told me to. I’ll also try to take pictures, but I go to P.R. every year, so taking pictures isn’t exciting anymore. Don’t worry, though. I have old pics that I can entertain you with. I’m pretty sure Puerto Rico still looks the same. Take care, and seriously, don’t post anything good while I’m gone. Seriously. Oh, and I know exactly how many followers I have, so no funny business, alright? I love you.