An Officer And A Gentle Drunk

Officer: Sir, are you okay?

Chad: Oh, hey officer. Yeah, I’m fine. Got wasted as hell, so I thought I’d sleep it off. Peace out, bro.

Officer: Sir, you’re operating a vehicle inebriated?

Chad: In-what-iated?

Officer: Drunk, sir, you’re driving drunk.

Chad: Oh, no, not at all. Do you see my car moving? Are you drunk officer? You should be careful with those donuts.

Officer: Sir, I’m gonna need you to get out of the vehicle.

Chad: Na, it’s cool. I’d rather just sleep it off. In another hour, I’ll be good as new..

Officer: Sir, please unlock the door.

Chad: Let a brother sleep, yo!

Officer: Sir, please respect the law and exit this vehicle.

Chad: Dude, I couldn’t be respecting the law any more. I pulled over so as to NOT accidentally kill anyone in my drunken stupor. If that’s not respect, I don’t know what is.

Officer: Please call me Officer Cockson, not dude.

Chad: Alright Mr Cock, I’m tired…do you mind?

Officer: This is your final warning. Please exit the vehicle.

Chad: Only if you’ll call it a car.

Officer: I’m warning you, sir.

Chad: Honestly, who calls people “sir” anymore?

Officer: Okay then. I’m writing out a ticket for operating a vehicle inebriated and for refusing to comply. License and registration, please.

Chad: Whatever dude, if it’ll make you leave any faster. You’ll leave me alone, right?

Officer: License and registration.

Chad: Jeeze, so serious. Where is that shit anyway…ahh, here you go.

Officer: *writes up ticket* Here you are, Randy. I suggest you call a friend to come pick you up.

Chad: I suggest you find a girlfriend and lighten up. With all due respect, Mr Cock man.

Officer: It’s Cockson. You’re lucky you caught me on a good day. And I’ve already exceeded my quota.

Chad: Lucky me. You’ve been sweet as pie.

Officer: Right. Have a safe evening, Randy. I hope this won’t happen again.

Chad: Don’t worry…what are the chances you’ll catch me next time?

Officer: *walks away shaking his head*

Chad: *looks at the ticket and thinks to himself* Man, my brother Randy is gonna kill me. I’ll just leave this little ticket in the glove compartment…he’ll find it eventually.

I wrote this ages ago, and was saving it for a rainy day. Well, it’s not raining, but I keep trying to write and it’s just frustrating me, so here you go. This isn’t spectacular or anything, but it’s Monday…are Mondays ever spectacular?

~Lily~