Something To Fill The Void

I’ve been unemployed since the beginning of July. When I first got the news that several of us would be laid off, I was pretty upset. It felt like the end of an era. In time though, I got used to the idea. Once I was home, I was like, “Sweet! I don’t have to wake up to go to work anymore!” I was also super excited at the idea of being able to blog ALL the time. For the first few months, I was enjoying my freedom, and I felt like I didn’t even want to work again. Blogging helped fill that void.

Recently, I’ve found myself thinking about my old job and my co-workers. I’ve realized that this whole time, I’ve avoided thinking about it. But now it’s really hitting me that I’m unemployed, and I hate that title. When filling out forms or applications, I despise having to list myself as unemployed. That’s not ME, I’m not that person. I was a hard worker and I enjoyed my job. My bosses knew they could always rely on me. More than that, I loved the people I worked with. It was great being part of a team, and I really miss that feeling.

I used to think I’d be at that job forever. The company was growing so fast and all of us got along so well. I really thought that job was a sure thing. Then we lost a client and everything changed. I was there for almost four years. It wasn’t my dream job, but it was great because we were like a little family. It’s not easy finding a job where you truly enjoy coming in to see everyone. Okay, maybe not everyone. There was one person who rubbed people the wrong way. When she was let go, all the doors were locked 24/7 just in case she came back for vengeance. But other than that, it was great!

As much as I love having time to bore you write and read so many wonderful posts, I need to do something else, to have a purpose and earn my own money. Unemployment benefits are nice, but after a while, you start to feel like people are judging you. I know once I’m working again, I’ll probably bitch and moan about my lack of blogging time, but I’ll just have to find the balance like all of you do. I want to find something to fill the void. I want to feel needed again and be part of a team. I can’t even complain about having to wake up early because I’ve been waking up earlier than I used to anyway. Damn idiotic body clock. I don’t know if there’s a point to this post. I was thinking of my old job last night, and I guess it’s still on my mind. I miss sitting in front of a computer from 8:30 – 5 in a freezing cold office. I miss working and getting stressed out. I even almost miss answering all those annoying phone calls and being bombarded with e-mails. Man, I never thought I’d say that.

~Lily~

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30 thoughts on “Something To Fill The Void

  1. I’ve been in your position a few times in my life and felt exactly as you do. It’s only natural and will continue to make you crazy until you find another job. You should be happy that you have those feelings because some people get into your position and don’t. Just hang in there and keep job hunting because your job is out there just waiting for you.

    1. Thanks. It was my first real job and therefore my first time being laid off. It wasn’t that bad…it was nice having the whole summer off. But now I know I definitely don’t want to be lazy forever! Here’s hoping something good comes along. 😀

  2. I understand what you’re saying, especially the part about the people you used to work with. Even a sucky job can be bearable if you have a nice bunch of co-workers!

    Fingers crossed you find another job you enjoy soon. In the meantime, keep blogging. I enjoy reading your posts!

  3. You’ll find something amazing Lily, something perfect just for you. I have a feeling it’s right around the corner. Keep putting yourself out there and stay positive and stay in touch when you have some time. Sending good thoughts your way!

  4. I totally know what you mean. This is a normal way to feel. And yeah, it’s great to have freedom to just relax and do whatever you want, but it’s better feel like you have a purpose each day. Ever since I moved to Canada, I wasn’t able to work because I didn’t have a work visa and I’m not a citizen. I babysit here and there and I volunteer a couple days a week. I make sure I’m not working everyday of the week, but I still like to do something here and there, ya know? Trying to have the best of both worlds! Hah

    1. Yup, it’s definitely good to have a purpose and feel useful! That’s a good idea, doing things here and there but not every day is TOTALLY the best of both words! And that’s very nice that you volunteer. 🙂 I wish I could find a part time job that pays as much as a full time job, that would be sweet! But yeah, I can keep dreaming on that one! 😉

  5. I haven’t even had a job, and I know that feeling. Actually, I’ve done enough volunteering to know that I’d rather be doing that than sitting around the house all day. And class, well that’s just as boring as sitting around the house.
    And my fingers are crossed that you find work soon! You have the luck of me on your side. 🙂

  6. Lily, make a list of what you really would like to do.. even if you are not “fully qualified” you can find work arounds. I have a sneaky suspicion you will soon be working and then (*gasp) we won’t see you around as much.. Until then, enjoy these lazy days!!

    1. Hm, I should make a list cuz I’m not 100% sure what I want. I hate all the places that require years and years of experience. I’m a quick learner, damnit! 😉 But yeah, I’m sure I’ll find something. Not just yet (still enjoying my time off) but hopefully something will come along that’s a good fit. 🙂

  7. I definitely know what you mean about the unemployment deal. I started my own blog right after graduation and as you said, to fill the void of not having a definitive plan of action or really anything to do. It was nice at the beginning when you’re just bumming and can do whatever you want but I also started feeling extremely unproductive and told myself I had to do whatever it took to get myself employed. Chin up! I’m sure you’ll find an opportunity with that proactive attitude of yours. 😉

    1. Yup, that’s exactly it, feeling unproductive! Don’t get me wrong, some days I’m perfectly fine being lazy for a little while longer. (I wasn’t planning to job search just yet.) But every now and then I think back to my job and I really miss it. Hopefully my future job will be a good fit, and the people won’t be total bores! 😀 I don’t know if I’m so proactive…but thank you! 😉

  8. Hey hang in there it’s all going to work out when ur ready u’ll see and u know u’ll always have our support no matter what. Always keep an open mind and don’t fear the unknown u’ll meet amazing people in all walks of life. That’s what I’ve learned over the years u’ll see soon enough that this might be the opportunity you didn’t know u were waiting for life has a way of surprising us.
    Love you, mom

  9. Once read a quote that said, “the hardest work in the world is being out of work.” So look at it as at least you’re working hard!

  10. It’s even worse when you’re on strike. That’s when people REALLY judge you. It’s also impossible to find a job because they know you’ll be leaving once the strike is over and you also don’t get any unemployment benefits. Just don’t forget to find that job you want to go to. Don’t sell your soul to the almighty dollar like I did. If I regret one thing in my life, it would have to be my career choice. Well I hope this doesn’t depress you too much.

      1. The important thing to remember is your job is just the place you go to so you can make money. Once you realize there are much more important things in your life, you’ll be happier.

  11. I totally understand what you’re talking about, Lily. I was temping for a while a few years back and the work ran out. When I eventually got my permanent job I couldn’t believe how many people were whinging about their jobs. Because I so desperately wanted this permanent job I worked really hard and went up the ranks very quickly. I think having this break will really make you appreciate the job when it comes along and you can power ahead. Everything happens for a reason and I’m sure that reason will come to you when you find work. Best of luck 🙂

    1. That’s great, good for you working your way up! That’s cool too, I actually got my last job through temping. They ended up hiring me and I worked for almost 4 years until things got slow and then…laid off. Oh well, that’s life. Thanks for the luck! 😉

  12. Thinking of you, Lily! I was “downsized” from my first real job (I had been there for three years). It was heartbreaking, but gave me some time to reflect. I decided (after quite a few months) to go and start a master’s program and get my teaching certification. I feel like it was the right move for me, and now, ten years later, I love what I am doing. I hope you find something you a job you love, love, love! 🙂

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