I’m Not A Total Slob, I Swear

I have a love-hate relationship where cleaning is concerned. I hate the thought of doing it, but once I do it, I love the result. And then I go back to hate when the result is inevitably ruined. While I don’t enjoy cleaning, I would probably not do it more often if things would just stay clean. When I start cleaning something, I like to do it really well, not half-assed. I’ll scrub from top to bottom and when I’m finished, I’ll look down in pride at my beautiful masterpiece. Then my boyfriend comes home and decides to fry something, so there goes all my hard work cleaning the stove. Or he decides to shave, leaving a million little hairs all over the sink I just cleaned. I know it’s not his fault, but it’s just so discouraging, isn’t it?

I haven’t cleaned the refrigerator since we moved in a while. I don’t understand how refrigerators get dirty. No splashing should be going on in there. Yesterday, I was desperate bored so I decided to REALLY clean it. Did you know that sponges SUCK ASS at cleaning? Who invented sponges anyway? You should never use sponges on any sticky areas, because little sponge bits will rub off onto the sticky bits and spread around lots of spongy sticky bits, which is fantastic. When I start cleaning one area, I’m terribly unfocused I can’t help but look at another area. Bad idea since this other area will also be dirty, and I’ll want to stop what I’m doing and clean it, but if I do, I’ll only keep noticing more dirty areas. Then I’ll be so overwhelmed by the amount of GROSSNESS that I’ll just say, screw you! Stay dirty, you flipping dirty piece of shit!

You may be surprised or you don’t give a rat’s ass, but I did a great job cleaning the refrigerator. I only cursed a few times during the process. Like when I was cleaning the sides and then looked up and realized that the fridge has a “roof.” Son of a bitch, how the hell did the top get dirty?! I got angry again when I finished washing my hands for the 20th time, and realized that I didn’t even touch the freezer. OMG, there’s a freezer too?! WTF! I’ll admit that I didn’t give 100% on the freezer, but it looks good enough. I know I said I like to clean things well and not half-assed, but OH WELL, I lied. I’ll get to the rest of the cleaning later or tomorrow or whenever I’m bored or when I’m really desperate or whatever. Rome wasn’t built in a day. I can’t believe I just spent a whole post talking about cleaning. In my defense, the landscaping/maintenance people are here, and I can’t concentrate with the loud lawn mowers, trimmers and what-not. I am SO sorry and I love you. Don’t leave me.



37 thoughts on “I’m Not A Total Slob, I Swear

  1. Ha cleaning I do it once a week and five minutes after the kids get in well let’s just say everyday looks like a hurricane pathway in my house.

    And the fridge, well glad I am not exactly alone

  2. While I’m not a neat freak, I do try to maintain some order.. but as for that get down on my knees cleaning (refrigerator), oh boy, I hate it!! LOL… Come to think of it, mine needs cleaning….. again..:-)

    1. Ahh, that sounds annoying, stupid bottom freezer! The two bottom drawers of our fridge were the worse. There’s space behind them and to the sides, so shit falls there all the time, including under the drawers. Shit has a bad habit of just going everywhere, ugh! 😉

  3. You made me laugh out loud. I’m an obsessive neat freak and I understand your issues but they’re still funny as hell.

      1. and I SWEAR I’ve never had anything that is that color brown and that thick and sticky as what I found on the bottom under the shelf..

  4. I totally feel you on the cleaning thing. I hate the thought of it but once I get started, I HAVE to do a thorough job (no guarantees on whether I finish it or not though). Sorry about the refrigerator…. that thing really can get gross as anything if you don’t periodically do a sweep through of it, though I’d still rather clean that than the bathroom. Apparently bathtubs leave a lot of residue if you look closely, but I try not to do that too often.

    1. Exactly it’s just so hard to start! Dang refrigerator with its levels and drawers and shit, lol. But it’s okay, I probably won’t clean it again for another year. 😀 Yeah, never look too closely at anything. The bathtub is another thing I’m not so great at.I got the sink though…smaller and easier. 🙂

  5. I am not a fan of cleaning (I’d let you take a look at my room, but that could be dangerous for everyone involved), so I hear you. And once it’s clean, it really is like ‘WHY CAN’T YOU STAY CLEAN’. Ooooh, no, that would be toooooooooo difficult! Fine! I give up! LET THE DUST TAKE OVER.
    I do, actually, tend to forget about the freezer. Then I discover it and find there’s food. And THEN I say “I am not going to spend one minute cooking this damn thing.” and walk a– oh, this isn’t about cleaning. SORRY, I’ll leave now!

    1. Haha. It’s so nice to see I’m not alone here. DUST is the worst…THE WORST. It can’t even stay away for 10 seconds, what the F!! I’m looking at a coffee table full of dust right now but I’m not gonna do it!
      Yeah, those freezers definitely sneak up on you. 😀

      1. I know! And I’m someone who collects knick knacks (I’m an old soul, alright!), so trying to clean the little things on snow globes filled with dust is just like “WHY”.
        Haha, they really do.

  6. While I was reading this, I may or may not have laughed so hard I spurted my wine all over my screen 😀 This is the funniest rant I’ve heard in a long time!
    Shaver hairs in the bathroom – good grief! Why do men have to that? How does that crap get on the SIDES of the refrigerator (must be the fridge gremlins!) I seriously don’t know how the cupboard doors get stuff spilled down them and why the dishwasher gets that crap around the inside of the door! You may as well go back to the dark ages to try and get the oven cleaned.
    I seriously hate cleaning. It’s got to be the most thankless job in the universe. I absolutely loved this post 😀 SO TRUE…

    1. So glad you liked this! I really thought it was one of the most boring things I’ve written, so thank you! 😀 Yeah, the shaver hairs ALL over, even on the mirror sometimes, wtf! Oh, there totally must be gremlins in the fridge. There is no reason for crumbs and what-not to fall in between the spaces around the drawers and underneath…like HOW? Agreed with the dishwasher too. We use the counter space directly above it, so naturally things fall right down to the dishwasher that we never use anyway, haha. Definitely a thankless job. I think we all need robots to do our cleaning! 😉

  7. Oh that post relates to me,I hate the cleaning word. Love it when its done but like most people’s it doesn’t last. One big furry cat, one hairy dog, one teenage, one husband.. Why do today, what you can put of till tomorrow..lol xx00x
    Mollie and Alfie

    1. Thank you! I’m glad people relate. I just didn’t think I’d ever blog about cleaning…or lack of cleaning. 😀

      1. Fear not, I am just about at the point of writing a blog abouy doctors waiting rooms. Sitting here for hours, waiting to see a doc (for hubby, not me) and getting bored enough to annoy my readers with it soon

  8. Yeah, cleaning a kitchen is an exercise when you’re married to a chef. In fact, earlier this evening, she asked “Do you know what I’m making tomorrow?” For some unknown reason, the first words out of my mouth were “A mess?” I probably deserved the jab I got in my ribs.

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