Malls Were Meant For Napping

I was at the mall the other day and noticed a couple of teenagers sitting down. They were probably exhausted from working 8 hours a day, paying bills and you know, being teenagers. The guy was sitting in the chair and the girl was lying on his lap with her eyes closed. Um, why the frick did you go to the mall in the first place? “Hey, I’m bored. Wanna go to the mall and take a nap?” “Sure, let’s go!” Normal people don’t do that. (Right? Say it ain’t so.) The week before, I had seen something similar, except the girl was sitting in the chair sideways with her legs wide open, eyes glued to her cell phone. How cute and not the least bit inappropriate.

When you go to the mall, there’s a 100% possibility that you’re going to be using your legs. Sure, malls probably need to have benches for age-challenged people and boyfriends who don’t want to be seen shopping at Victoria’s Secret. But do we really need comfy chairs and recliners for lazy teenagers who think it’s perfectly okay to cozy up on their boyfriend’s lap…in PUBLIC? That same day, I also saw someone playing his Nintendo DS in the food court. He was at the very first table near the doors, so I honestly think he just came in, sat down and took out his game, never intending to eat or shop. “I’m so bored. I know, I’ll go to the mall and play my video game!” People, this may surprise you, but taking naps and playing video games can both be done in the privacy of your own home. So here’s a little tip at no cost to you…STAY THE EFF HOME!

I feel very out of place when I go to the mall with my boyfriend. We’re surrounded by kids who think they’re the shit because they’re hanging out at the shit mall. There are tons of horribly dressed kids smoking outside, and then more horribly dressed kids inside, with really weird hair, screaming into their cell phones, or walking with their pants hanging off their ass, or making out with someone. Yeah, you guys are SO COOL. It disturbs me to think that those teens might be looking at me and my boyfriend, thinking that we’re one of them. I want to scream, “I graduated high school in 2006, and I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years. I just came for the chicken teriyaki and maybe a little shopping. I am not one of you!” So far, I’ve been able to contain myself. SO FAR…



28 thoughts on “Malls Were Meant For Napping

  1. Lol! You crack me up! Teenagers sure think the world revolves around them. I feel so old now, so I won’t say what year I graduated high school.

    I can just see you biting your tongue in an attempt not to scream lol

    1. Teens are something else, that’s for sure. I can’t believe I used to be one. 😉 Don’t feel old Boomie! Age is just a number. 😀

      I tried explaining to my boyfriend how it bugs me that other people might see us in the mall and think we’re “one of them” but he just thought I was crazy. 😦

  2. I find this article educational. I think I’ll have my 12 and 13 year old boys read it as a how-to guide (because I am in complete agreement). Eventually, as you turn into an old fart like myself, you’ll come to learn that there is never a need to go to the mall. Never. I honestly paused just now and tried to recall any reason that I would need a mall store. I got nothing.

    1. Educational, perfect, that’s what I was going for. Yes, please don’t let your kids turn into THOSE teenagers. I do feel the need to go to the mall though, because the stores I like are in it. If I found those stores OUTSIDE a mall, then I would reconsider. 😉

  3. I hope we weren’t like that when we were teenagers. I honestly dislike them so much. They do think they’re THE COOLEST. It’s like, umm you’re at the mall…you’re not that cool. I wish there could be a normal people mall and a separate mall/jail for teenagers.

  4. 100% agree. I really, until now, have no idea HOW having your whole boxers exposed is a fashion statement. Don’t wear jeans then, go out in a shirt and boxers, bloody hell.

  5. It sounds stupid but those teenagers actually intimidate me. Anytime I have to pass a group of them, I can almost feel their eyes on me like, WOW what an uncool non-teenager! And then I’d get annoyed they think they’re so cool. Sometimes I really want to go up to them and just tell them to get a life. People are here at the malls to be productive, not nap. Geesh.

    1. That’s true, they can be a little intimidating. I hate when they look at others with that “look.” Who the hell do they think they are! I want to tell them to get a life all the time too. But usually, I only work up the nerve to roll my eyes at them while they may or may not be looking. 😉

  6. I find the pants around the bum hideous and funny at the same time. If there was a fire those guys would never get out of the mall because their pants would fall down!
    I avoid malls at all costs for all the reasons you’ve stated here.
    Great post 😀

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