I was at the mall the other day and noticed a couple of teenagers sitting down. They were probably exhausted from working 8 hours a day, paying bills and you know, being teenagers. The guy was sitting in the chair and the girl was lying on his lap with her eyes closed. Um, why the frick did you go to the mall in the first place? “Hey, I’m bored. Wanna go to the mall and take a nap?” “Sure, let’s go!” Normal people don’t do that. (Right? Say it ain’t so.) The week before, I had seen something similar, except the girl was sitting in the chair sideways with her legs wide open, eyes glued to her cell phone. How cute and not the least bit inappropriate.
When you go to the mall, there’s a 100% possibility that you’re going to be using your legs. Sure, malls probably need to have benches for age-challenged people and boyfriends who don’t want to be seen shopping at Victoria’s Secret. But do we really need comfy chairs and recliners for lazy teenagers who think it’s perfectly okay to cozy up on their boyfriend’s lap…in PUBLIC? That same day, I also saw someone playing his Nintendo DS in the food court. He was at the very first table near the doors, so I honestly think he just came in, sat down and took out his game, never intending to eat or shop. “I’m so bored. I know, I’ll go to the mall and play my video game!” People, this may surprise you, but taking naps and playing video games can both be done in the privacy of your own home. So here’s a little tip at no cost to you…STAY THE EFF HOME!
I feel very out of place when I go to the mall with my boyfriend. We’re surrounded by kids who think they’re the shit because they’re hanging out at the shit mall. There are tons of horribly dressed kids smoking outside, and then more horribly dressed kids inside, with really weird hair, screaming into their cell phones, or walking with their pants hanging off their ass, or making out with someone. Yeah, you guys are SO COOL. It disturbs me to think that those teens might be looking at me and my boyfriend, thinking that we’re one of them. I want to scream, “I graduated high school in 2006, and I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years. I just came for the chicken teriyaki and maybe a little shopping. I am not one of you!” So far, I’ve been able to contain myself. SO FAR…