In Other News, Nobody Cares

Omg, did you hear? Lindsay Lohan is in trouble again, and Amanda Bynes is hot on her trail. Drugs, wreckless driving, jail time, rinse and repeat. It’s like Charlie Sheen only younger and with breasts. Oh, I’m sorry, do you not care? Yeah, me neither. “So and so broke up and so and so is in jail again and so and so is doing drugs and so and so made a sex tape and now she’s super popular.” We’ve heard it all before, E! News, so please kindly suck it.

The regular news sucks balls as it is. Why do we need to have a separate news channel just for celebrities? Why are people so interested in the lives of the rich and the wasted? I think we have enough problems of our own, such as… Hm, if I buy that dresser, can I still afford that house? Should I be worried about global warming? Is E.L. James aware how many people wish they could strangle her with a riding crop? What should I wear to work today? What is that smell? And other more pressing issues.

Enough with the celebrity hoopla and enough with the makes-you-want-to-slit-your-wrists news. “So and so robbed an old lady and so and so beat up a store clerk and so and so shot 5 people and this world is absolute crap.” Bring back the stories about dogs saving their owners from death, babies with super-human strength, talking donkeys and flying pigs. Those are the things we want to hear about. Bring back rainbows and sunshine, damnit! Is that too much to ask?

In other news, it’s Monday and summer’s over and it’s cold and I don’t like it and I’m in denial and I don’t want to start wearing a coat and I’m just gonna sit on the couch all day wrapped up in a blanket and write a nice, long run-on sentence…and how’s that for pointless news.



10 thoughts on “In Other News, Nobody Cares

  1. I completely feel you here. It’s like people are afraid NOT to have enough gruesome (or else pointless) things to talk about that they have to dig up every last murder story (or celebrity story) before they have a one-liner about the heroic dog who wouldn’t leave his owner injured on the ground until help came. I don’t even watch the news anymore, I just pick and choose my stories to read online. 🙂

  2. I refuse to watch the news anymore. I can’t stand it when they start talking about train wreck Lindsay but you hear nothing about the average Joe who did some outstanding amazing thing to help someone else.. it’s so very annoying.

      1. Yup.. soon enough we’ll get the news update that she’s over dosed or wrecked her car or something killed her.. then we’ll have the funeral circus (Whitney comes to mind) then it’ll be over and someone new will be targeted..

  3. I guess it’s a bad time to tell you that fall in Georgia stays in the upper 70’s right? Anyways, if you live near Atlanta and watch the news on a daily basis, you’ll start to think a zombie apocalypse would be an improvement and reduce the murder rate in that town. I’m sure Jersey is even worse.

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