Stalkers Never Really Leave Us

The following is a continuation of an older post called Stalker Much. Check it out, and maybe this post will make more sense…but, maybe not. I wrote this just for fun. I do that sometimes. Happy Friday!



Hi John!

I hope you’re doing well. It’s upsetting that I only get to talk to you in my dreams. You never responded to my e-mail so I figured, maybe he doesn’t check his e-mail, but he must check his Facebook messages! Sadly, your account seems to have been deactivated. It must be a fluke or something. However, stalkers are persistent I just happened to know your address, so I thought, why not mail him a letter! Either that or sneak in and show up naked in your tub. Writing letters is like, all old fashioned and romantic. I just know you’ll be excited to read this. I love you. As I write this, I can picture you opening your mail, and smiling when you see the letter is from me, Layla. Your dream lover. I know you can’t respond to me in real time, but how are you? I haven’t seen you at the gym or the office or the grocery store or the library or the bar, and honestly, I’m starting to think you’re avoiding me. Hahaha! I love you. But I’m probably just letting my imagination go wild. Oh, and does it go wild…if you only knew. It’s dark. There are candles and Hershey’s Kisses around a heart shaped bed. There’s me, bathed in chocolate syrup and wearing…absolutely nothing. There’s you, naked, sexy and hard in all the right places. I love that birthmark on your hip, it’s adorable. I lick my fingers and begin to touch…

Oh, no, no, no! I can only give you a sneak peak. If you want to find out how this ends, you’re gonna have to stop hiding from me! I hope I’m not being too forward. I mean, yes, I want to have your children, like five of them but first, I want to have fun just practicing. I know that all we shared was a dance and so much more in my head, but it’s not like you would just dance with ANY woman. It obviously meant as much to you as it did to me. Right? Or I’ll just die. So, call me or write me or e-mail me or Facebook me or come see me and please marry me some day soon. I promise we can go slow. We’ll go out on a date, make love ‘til I can’t see straight, and then we’ll wait at least two weeks to get married. Our children would be beautiful. You are so beautiful, a beautiful stranger but you know, when it feels right, it’s right. And in a psycho’s mind, you’re always right. I love you. Don’t look at me like that, I’m not crazy. Please keep my feelings in mind when deciding whether or not to get back to me. Obviously, the choice is yours, but just don’t make the wrong one. I own 10 daggers, 5 butterfly knives and 5 machetes. Oh, and a revolver, a shotgun, and a rifle. Just thought you should know. But don’t worry, the serial numbers have all been “removed.”

I Will Love You Even In Death,



19 thoughts on “Stalkers Never Really Leave Us

  1. This is funny but sadly true.. I bet some people spend hours & hours doing this stuff and why?
    Great read for today!! have a great weekend!

  2. I agree with the blogger above me, people probably do this ALL THE TIME and then in real life, pretend they’re all chill.

    What a great note to end my Friday on. 😀 Happy weekend to you!

  3. Haha you’re so funny. You did that perfectly. I have had a few of those. Yesterday on of my writers wrote a Beccapeida because of this to be funny. It is a page tab. It cracked me up when he showed me.

    Keep doing what you’re doing. You rock.


  4. I remember once in college there was this girl I was head over heels for. She knew it, everyone knew it. It was pathetic. We were friends, though, and I tried to keep myself in check. One day, I go by her place. She’s not there. I needed to leave a note for her. I’m trying to think where I can find a pen and paper. I sit down. Just then, she gets home, to see me sitting on her doorstep, apparently waiting for her like a dog.

    That, my friend, is humiliation.

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