The Little Things That Drive You Crazy

Do you know what drives me crazy about ShopRite (supermarket)? The fact that, for some strange reason, lots of other people go there too. People who wander aimlessly aisle after aisle because they didn’t bring a list. People who own shares in ShopRite stock, and are therefore allowed to leave their shopping cart in the middle of the aisle. People who block the entrance to an aisle, wondering where to go, while I give them the evil eye. People who stop and chit-chat while I’m trying to maneuver around them with a heavy, slightly damaged, and very squeaky shopping cart. People who unload their carts very slowly, because hey, I have all day here. People who hold up the line because they’re waiting for their mother, who has a separate order, and apparently it never occurred to them to tell the cashier to just start ringing them up. People who insist on paying with a check. (Really? If you’re so against credit cards, then try CASH.) People who distract the cashier by talking about the weather and their LIFE. (No one cares, so move your ass. ShopRite is not a place to socialize.)

I’m a woman on a mission, I don’t like slowpokes, and I HATE food shopping. Just once, I’d like to go to ShopRite without having to wait, free to zip through the aisles without being slowed down by age-challenged people. And just once, I’d like to find an empty register, unload and pay, and get the bleep out of there. Not that the fun stops there…why would it? The parking lot is rather small, so when it’s crowded, it’s SUPER FUN maneuvering your shopping cart between cars and trying to find your own. I had parked near the end, where there were a few empty spots in a row, so no one would be next to me. Now all of a sudden, there’s a car to my left, to my right, behind me, and a cement post somewhere in between that mess. How the hell do I get through to the trunk? I love this place.

Then I get home and realize that I’m a woman, and I can’t possibly carry all the groceries in one trip. So I curse myself for being such a good girlfriend and going to ShopRite all by myself while my boyfriend’s working hard. I tell myself that next time, no matter how tired he is, he’s gonna come with me, push the shopping cart, and carry 80% of the groceries. Pretending to be strong, I grab all the bags, four on each arm. About 10 seconds later, I realize the bag handles have twisted and are digging into my wrists, so I walk/run the rest of the way, while the bags get heavier and heavier. Then I get to the door and realize I have no hands left to grab the keys, so I untwist and release the bags, breathe a sigh of relief, and open the FIRST door…then I curse the fact that there’s a SECOND door. I manage to bring in the bags a few at a time. Then, I go back outside because DUH, why would I be done? There’s a 20 lb bag of rice, and a 15 lb box of Snapple Juice Drinks. (Stupid glass bottles.) It’s impossible to carry both things at once, so after my third trip back and forth, I finally get everything inside. But hey, that’s okay, I was anticipating four trips.

I mean really, I was just asking for trouble. Why would ShopRite be empty at 3pm on a Monday? Who am I to assume that people have jobs and better things to do on a Monday afternoon? And really, what was I thinking getting everything on my list, knowing that there would be heavy items? I should have split my list between two days. Honestly, I’m such a fool. But just to play it safe, next time I’ll put on a green wig, dark sunglasses, and I’ll bathe myself in onions. You just watch how quickly people clear the aisles.

~Lily~

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27 thoughts on “The Little Things That Drive You Crazy

  1. LOL Lily…I am not laughing at you but that last line got me giggling. Sorry about that, that is like Wal-mart for me but thankfully they just opened a new and improved one closer to me so it has gotten better.

    The squeaky shopping cart deal, i so get…i feel like every time i go to the grocery store, i get the squeaky cart…and i am too lazy to go back and change it…

    You are a good girlfriend, i am sure your boyfriend is grateful…next time go on satuday except it would be worse. A friend goes grocery shopping very late at night like 11 pm lol

  2. Lol, glad you got a laugh. Walmarts can be pretty awful too! The shoprite by my parents is much better, but the one by me brings out feelings of hatred. I’m also too lazy to switch carts! Mine was so loud yesterday, it was embarrassing.

    Weekends are the worst for shopping! But I can handle it better if I’m NOT alone. When I’m alone with my thoughts, I get angry lol. I can’t blame your friend for going late, trust me, I’ve considered it. But zzzzz. 😉

  3. Here is what you do…next time you get stinky and dirty, don’t wash the clothes. Then put it on when you go to the store. Then put on crazy clown makeup. When you are going down the isles growl out at people and talk to yourself. Then people will get out of your way.

  4. I just got behind someone paying with a check recently! I was ALMOST not even angry because I was so fascinated. I love when people walk around any type of store ogling the goods as they walk SMACK in front of you and your cart. “Yup. You’re the ONLY person in the universe. You got it.”

    Thank you also for this drawing. People do not include diagrams nearly often enough for my taste; I find them immensely helpful.

    1. Haha, it is fascinating. Until recently, I forgot checks even existed! Man, are people lovely or whatttt…

      Glad you liked the drawing. I couldn’t figure out how to draw a car from that view, so I stuck to words instead. 😀 I do agree though, diagrams are awesome. I’m trying to use them more often. 😉

  5. My gosh, I hate food shopping, too. Not just that, but it’s like people, especially the cashiers are judging me for what I’m gonna eat. LEAVE MY UNHEALTHY CHOICES ALONE. GOD. No one ASKED you, did they. And then waiting for slowpokes to move when I’m trying to get the heck outta there… No, please, just dally along. I don’t mind, I LIKE being in the parking lot. Really. Now move or I will commit a hit and run.

    If I had my way, grocery shopping would be similar to ordering take out. Just show up, pay, and take my groceries home. No hassle, no judgmental stares, no trying to figure out which aisle is which because we have two Safeway’s in the High Desert and they BOTH have different layouts. And if you want something extra, THEN go hunt and find it.

    1. Haha, glad you can relate! Judging, that’s just wrong! I’m sure they judge me too. One time my order consisted of grapes, apples and plums (which is a miracle, I never used to eat fruit) and two bags of Hershey’s Bliss chocolate, 3 bags of starburst gummies and a bag of marshmallows. Great combo.

      Take out grocery shopping would be ideal, except you have to pay extra. UGH…why can’t the food just magically appear every time you run out? Like MAGIC! Lol.

      1. lol THAT would be nice. “Oh, we’re out of such and such. Now we have more. Yay!”
        Magic would be so useful in so many things… But alas, I am evidently nothing more than a muggle. 😦

  6. Don’t even get me started on slowpokes and people who, like you said, block doorways because they haven’t figured out whether to go left or right. It doesn’t MATTER, just go in a circle, damn it. And I think you went at a time when all the soccer moms are in there trying to cram in some shopping either right before they have to pick up their kid or before their kid’s soccer practice ends. Trust me on this.

    1. Haha, you said it. I’m sensing a little anger. 😉

      I CANNOT believe I forgot about soccer moms! That explains it! I’m screwed no matter what time I go. In the morning, there are more old people. In the afternoon, soccer moms, and at night…idk, cuz I’m sleeping. 😀

  7. My family knows I’d rather do anything but grocery shop for many of the reasons you cited.. this post read like a comedy skit but alas is all too true 🙂

  8. I’m still laughing. I agree it’s all true. I do the Monday thing as well but u know me, I park the cart and fill up my hands as I walk the aisle, then drop it into the cart. Yep and always on my own too lately so no sympathy kiddo, my arms are always killing me and I can barely open the door when I get home. Thank God for the glider and porch that hold my stuff while I struggle to get the door unlocked, and then to top it off it all needs to be put away and don’t get me talking about all those plastic bags lol…. Thanks for the laughs, felt I needed it this morning.

    Love ya,
    Mom

    1. Glad you got a laugh. I know you can relate, you’ve been food shopping alone forever! It sucks. It would be much better though if people would just go away. 😉 I can’t believe I forgot to complain about putting the stuff away! Haha. As for us, we need the plastic bags since SOMEBODY refuses to use an actual garbage bag. 😀 Love you too.

  9. People who meander in the store baffle me. The store is not fun, it’s a mission. I have a list of objectives and I intend to complete it was quickly and efficiently as possible so STOP BLOCKING THE ENTIRE AISLE WHILE YOU TRY TO DECIDE WHAT KIND OF SOUP YOU WANT.

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