Do you know what drives me crazy about ShopRite (supermarket)? The fact that, for some strange reason, lots of other people go there too. People who wander aimlessly aisle after aisle because they didn’t bring a list. People who own shares in ShopRite stock, and are therefore allowed to leave their shopping cart in the middle of the aisle. People who block the entrance to an aisle, wondering where to go, while I give them the evil eye. People who stop and chit-chat while I’m trying to maneuver around them with a heavy, slightly damaged, and very squeaky shopping cart. People who unload their carts very slowly, because hey, I have all day here. People who hold up the line because they’re waiting for their mother, who has a separate order, and apparently it never occurred to them to tell the cashier to just start ringing them up. People who insist on paying with a check. (Really? If you’re so against credit cards, then try CASH.) People who distract the cashier by talking about the weather and their LIFE. (No one cares, so move your ass. ShopRite is not a place to socialize.)
I’m a woman on a mission, I don’t like slowpokes, and I HATE food shopping. Just once, I’d like to go to ShopRite without having to wait, free to zip through the aisles without being slowed down by age-challenged people. And just once, I’d like to find an empty register, unload and pay, and get the bleep out of there. Not that the fun stops there…why would it? The parking lot is rather small, so when it’s crowded, it’s SUPER FUN maneuvering your shopping cart between cars and trying to find your own. I had parked near the end, where there were a few empty spots in a row, so no one would be next to me. Now all of a sudden, there’s a car to my left, to my right, behind me, and a cement post somewhere in between that mess. How the hell do I get through to the trunk? I love this place.
Then I get home and realize that I’m a woman, and I can’t possibly carry all the groceries in one trip. So I curse myself for being such a good girlfriend and going to ShopRite all by myself while my boyfriend’s working hard. I tell myself that next time, no matter how tired he is, he’s gonna come with me, push the shopping cart, and carry 80% of the groceries. Pretending to be strong, I grab all the bags, four on each arm. About 10 seconds later, I realize the bag handles have twisted and are digging into my wrists, so I walk/run the rest of the way, while the bags get heavier and heavier. Then I get to the door and realize I have no hands left to grab the keys, so I untwist and release the bags, breathe a sigh of relief, and open the FIRST door…then I curse the fact that there’s a SECOND door. I manage to bring in the bags a few at a time. Then, I go back outside because DUH, why would I be done? There’s a 20 lb bag of rice, and a 15 lb box of Snapple Juice Drinks. (Stupid glass bottles.) It’s impossible to carry both things at once, so after my third trip back and forth, I finally get everything inside. But hey, that’s okay, I was anticipating four trips.
I mean really, I was just asking for trouble. Why would ShopRite be empty at 3pm on a Monday? Who am I to assume that people have jobs and better things to do on a Monday afternoon? And really, what was I thinking getting everything on my list, knowing that there would be heavy items? I should have split my list between two days. Honestly, I’m such a fool. But just to play it safe, next time I’ll put on a green wig, dark sunglasses, and I’ll bathe myself in onions. You just watch how quickly people clear the aisles.