As an animal lover, I’ve come to a very difficult, painful conclusion: I hate birds. I’ve never really felt hatred towards any animal, and I’m very sorry to have to admit this. But birds do evil things to cars, and I’m sick of it. For the most part, we leave birds in peace. Sometimes, we even hang bird feeders for them. How do they repay us? By shitting on our cars. No, it’s not just disgusting, it’s damaging. Bird poop ruins the paint. And let’s not forget their tiny CLAWS digging into the car. They are pure evil. You can’t possibly wash your car every time there’s bird poop; that’s expensive. And living in an apartment, you can’t just wash your car in the parking lot. So I’m forced to spit on a napkin and wipe my car whenever I notice poop. I’m sure the neighbors think I’m perfectly sane.
I was staring outside the kitchen window the other day, and all of a sudden I saw a flock of little birds (about 10 of them) fly from a tree directly to MY car. There were a dozen other cars in the parking lot, but no, they chose mine. Apparently those little suckers have great taste. So, like a crazy person, I went to grab my car key and headed towards the dining room window, where I had a better view of my car. I was hoping the sound of the car unlocking/locking would scare them away…it didn’t. So I opened the window, forgot it was the broken one, and it immediately slammed back down, very loudly. Well, that scared them away. After that, I kept watching for them every time I walked past the window, like a crazy bird lady. Stupid birds.
But you know, birds are actually smarter than you might think. A couple weeks ago, my dad went outside to clean bird poop off his car. He was just about done when he felt something wet on his head. He reached up, wiped at the moisture, and realized a bird had just pooped on his head. If that’s not the definition of (situational) IRONY, I don’t know what is. That bird was like, “How rude, you thought you could just get rid of my poop art? I’ll show you!” *Poop* I’m telling you, birds are sneaky little devils, so watch out.
On an unrelated note, today is my mom’s birthday. Happy Birthday, Mom! (She’s the only person in my family who reads my blog.) I’m sorry today’s post was about bird poop, but you understand my feelings on this subject, don’t you? Love you! Now that I have a blog, I’m going to have to start writing down some of the funny things my family says. There have been quite a few LOL moments in the past; too bad my memory SUCKS. I will share one example though, since this was fairly recent, and my mom and I both got a laugh out of it.
MOM: Your dad bought grapes, if you’re hungry. Nobody’s eating them.
ME: Are they the good kind? Giovanni always buys the giant ones, I hate those.
MOM: Oh yeah, these are small. You know, the boneless ones.
Happy Birthday, Mom and Happy Friday, all!