Lower, Lower…There, You Couldn’t Possibly Stoop Any Lower

How does one become a FAN of the contestants on the Bachelor shows? (Bachelor Pad, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette) Why would you idolize those people? They are morons just people, not well-known celebrities. (Actually, celebrities are just people too.) The contestants are just a group of idiots playing a game for money, or attention, or because they actually think it would be AMAZING to fall in love on a TV show. What’s so amazing about that? “I want to fall in love on TV, and then show my kids!” Seriously? What’s wrong with falling in love, oh I don’t know, the natural way? How on earth have those shows lasted so many years? What does that say about us? That we’re incapable of learning from our mistakes. So, so tragic.

How many of those “relationships” have worked out? Like 2½ out of 24? And those 2½ “relationships” can end any day now, because breaking up is totally their thing. I mean, it’s TOTALLY REALISTIC to think you can find Mr. or Mrs. Right on a TV show. With cameras up your ass in your face 24/7, and with dozens of people competing, all under the same roof in one drama-free environment. That’s definitely how God intended it to be. He was also hoping people would make fools of themselves prove their worth by doing things such as ribbon dancing, racing through a hot fudge sundae obstacle course, participating in a super boring made-up game show, all in the hopes of receiving a rose. Totally. HIS. Divine. Plan.

The Bachelor and The Bachelorette are about finding love. (Trust me, it was hard typing that with a straight face.) But Bachelor Pad rewards people with $250,000. WHY? What makes them worthy? “Hey, you seem like a real moron. Here, take this check for $250,000! You need it much more than the hungry, the homeless, or the unemployed!” Yeah, ABC, great way to spend your time and money. Not to mention, shows like this really fill people with pride. “I love Bachelor Pad, and I am a proud American.” NOT. You’re not taking offense to this, are you? Here, let me share some enlightening quotes with you!

“I’m a Scorpio and I will sting the shit of you, in retrospect. For real.” – Look up retrospect…for real.

“I’m gonna eat my kids’ hair sometime.” – Really, we all say this at some point in our lives.

“This just shows you, you really can’t trust anyone. It’s so sad.” – You mean, in a room FULL of people competing for $250,000, you have to be careful what you say and who you trust? NO EFFING WAY!

Now, I’m not being a hypocrite, if that’s what you’re thinking. I watch the show for the same reason people slow down to see a car accident…in the hopes of seeing a dead body. Totally kidding, I don’t do that. I just really enjoy watching so many stupid people all in one place, forming alliances, losing challenges and getting overly emotional. Not to mention, watching this show makes me feel so much more intelligent. I am not a FAN though. You’ll never find me walking through the “Bachelor Experience” in a wax museum. I feel nothing for those people, except maybe pity. A few of them seem like (somewhat) decent human beings. Most of them, though, are stupid, gullible, mean, conceited, slutty, conniving, awful liars…the list goes on. But you know, I can see why people idolize these amazing people; personally, they’re my heroes. Picture that sentence covered in bullshit and dripping with sarcasm.

So glad I finished high school for this. I’m totally gonna win.

Enough said.



8 thoughts on “Lower, Lower…There, You Couldn’t Possibly Stoop Any Lower

  1. Ha ha ha the caption is just as amazing as the post. I have never seen either show…but I have been caught watching those terrible VH1 shows…for sake of keeping my less than .5% reputation I wouldn’t even mention the shows…I watch them for the same reason as you mentioned lol…

  2. I agree with everything you say about these types of shows….. and yet at the same time, if I catch it on tv, I can’t help but waste 5-10 minutes of my time to watch a bit of it. Human nature is very dark and twisted if you ask me. But at least it’s nice to feel really smart compared to the airheads on the screen. 😉

  3. Whole hearted agreement. We’ve got The Bachelor over here as well, and it’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen. It’s cringemakingly awful and disgusting and pathetic and I’d rather watch a load of train spotters having a heated debate about their favourite type of engine.

    1. Thanks for agreeing. 😉 You described it quite well, it’s so awful. Never seen The Bachelor but I saw The Bachelorette and I’m sure they’re equally retarded and a total waste of time. 😀

  4. I love watching stupid TV shows sometimes, but not because I’m a fan as you said. It’s just hilarious to watch stupid people be stupid haha. Especially on Big Brother, THE LEVEL OF IDIOCITY, SERIOUSLY.

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