The Truth About Dogs, Saliva, And Your Face

So, there’s this myth that some people believe in and others don’t. You know the one that claims that a dog’s mouth is cleaner than a human’s? Yeah, that’s the myth…myth, as in not true, as in please stop that, as in EWW. But I mean, no offense, of course.

I realize some of you (yes, YOU) may be fans of doggy kisses. Gross. Good for you. I say live and let live. I just can’t help but wonder if the people who don’t mind doggy kisses are the people who believe in this myth. Or perhaps they KNOW a dog’s mouth isn’t any cleaner, but they don’t give a crap. Yuck.

Don’t get me wrong, I love animals. That being said, it’s one thing to have a dog lick your hand. (Truth be told, I’m not a huge fan of that either.) It’s a totally disgusting different thing to have them LICK YOUR MOUTH. No, you don’t think that’s weird? Okay then.

Mmm, tasty.

Would you ever consider putting your face on your dog’s junk? Whoa, whoa, settle down! I know, what a disgusting thing to say! But would you? I didn’t think so. But think about what happens when your dog goes in for a kiss. Dog goes potty. Dog can’t wipe itself so there may be some pee (or poo) residue left. Dog comes inside, sniffs and licks itself. Dog runs over to you in excitement. You pick dog up and…now you’ve got pee/poo residue on your face.

Haha, my human has no idea what I was doing 5 minutes ago!

It would appear that dogs have a thing for sniffing other dogs’ poo. Nasty, isn’t it? That just adds to the gross factor. Dogs will always lick themselves in places you don’t want to know about. Maybe some dogs don’t do it after going potty, but no matter what, private parts are private parts, and dogs lick themselves BECAUSE THEY CAN. If you don’t want their junk in your face, then find a different way to show your dog affection. Like hugging, for example. Hugging is pretty safe. Unless you accidentally touch their junk. Ew, what is wrong with you?

“Remember, a dog’s tongue is not only his wash cloth but also his toilet paper.” – Dr. Gary Clemons



23 thoughts on “The Truth About Dogs, Saliva, And Your Face

  1. Lip kisses aren’t my thing when it comes to dogs however, as far as I know, it has been proven that there are more germs in a human’s mouth than in a dogs. That doesn’t mean I’m going to let them lick my mouth though.

    1. Exactly. Although the whole germ theory (in my opinion) is bull. We may naturally have more germs BUT humans don’t go around sniffing other people’s poo or licking themselves. Which is why I say a dog’s mouth is NOT cleaner than ours. 😉

  2. Haha…I got a kick out of this. I would like to think that my beloved Maltese is the exception to this cochino behavior. Alas, I was wrong when I busted her chompin’ on a stranger’s poop, as if it would have been better had it been hers! :/ — Given to bouts of denial, I excused it (no I didn’t) and chalked it up to her immaturity or perhaps that pooch having eatin’ organic and attracting my finicky canine. Nah…I must admit, dogs are cochino! It took me a minute to get over that one! YUCK!!!

  3. Oh Lily you sure know how to get us to cringe lol. My brother and my mom’s dog were best buddies…kissing and all. I think dude was girlfriend deprived lol but he really loved snoopy. Better not show him this.

    Double yuck!!!

  4. AMEN sister friend. Dog slobber disgusts me to no end. My friend just got a black lab and when it comes near me I squirm and run away like a baby. I’ll make a fool of myself just to avoid the drool. It’s not even about where it’s mouth has been. It’s about having another creature’s spit on you. Ewwwwwwww.

  5. I used to think I was the only one disgusted by this but wisely refrained from saying anything to prevent dog-kiss lovers from jumping all over me. Now that I see I’m NOT the only one, I’m ready to proclaim my aversion to dog kisses loud and clear.

  6. omg, hilarious! And coincidental I might add, the hubs and I were having this debate the other day. I’m not pro-dog mouth to human mouth kisses. I love my dogs but one if them is a notorious poop eater and I prefer he doesn’t share. Now I will kiss my bird on the beak tho, he’s a dry kisser and has no external parts to lick. Lol

  7. It’s funny given the topic of this post to see your own comments with the uber-adorable puppy ready to give a wet kiss 😉 My dog, well, she licks her privates all too regularly. And when she was a puppy, she liked to eat dirty diapers. She loves to lick my… nostrils. Yeah. And I let her, all too much.

    But truly, if humans could lick themselves down there… how many of us wouldn’t?

    1. Haha true, but the little puppy is just waving, no tongue involved. 😉 Yup, I guess dogs feel that they have to lick their privates, since they can’t “clean” themselves any other way. And I do suppose some humans…might do that…if they could. Um, this is weird…

      1. 😀 I didn’t mean to be weird, or perverse, just honest. Just like the old “if men had breasts, they’d never leave the house” statement. Thanks for visiting my site. I’m glad you enjoyed the 50 Shades “review.” Honestly, I haven’t seen another one from a man, satire or not.

  8. An academic tone presents information in a unbiased and balanced manner. The right brain might be referred to since the feminine or creative side (the writer) whereas the left-brain (the editor) might be referred to because male or logical side.

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