Don’t Put Too Much Thought Into This

Hey all, happy…Friday? My calendar keeps telling me it’s Friday, but it doesn’t feel like it to me. You know, when you’re working you ALWAYS look forward to Friday. TGIF! Yeah well, every day is Friday for me now, so naturally, I get confused. Are you jealous? Um, anyway, I feel like Fridays are relatively slow here. That’s probably because most people (not me) are out having a life. So I think I’ll keep this short and totally random. (Maybe more random than short. Maybe more weird than random. Maybe no one will read this anyway.)

I have a serious question. If you’re waiting for an important phone call, do you bring the phone with you to the bathroom? And if so, if the call comes in, do you answer it? What if you’re…you know…doing number 2? If you must, I hope you have the decency to leave the water running as background noise to cover up all the…sounds. You know, the person on the other line does NOT want to know what you’re doing, and they definitely don’t want to hear it…or picture it. That’s just creepy.

Speaking of creepy, I think there are certain things that appear normal, but are actually creepy if you REALLY think about it. Allow me to enlighten you! The ocean. So many people go to the beach. Many of these people are perfectly normal, but after a while of being in the ocean, one’s bladder starts to act up. Some people say it’s okay to pee in the ocean because EVERYBODY does it. Yeah, that’s not comforting, you know? But yes, people do pee. What if someone 15 feet away from you decides to pee, and the pee travels towards you? Isn’t that SO DISGUSTING? I know water is constantly moving but if you’re surrounded by 50 people and they all decide to pee, EWWW! And what if that person has some kind of…issue…down there? Does the salt kill all that bacteria…and blood? Okay, I’ll stop now.

How about (for you ladies) a visit to the OB/GYN? Maybe it’s just me, but this annual check-up really creeps me out. You know that metal speculum that gets to go all up in your business? How do you know if it’s clean? How DO they clean those devices anyway? Isn’t it creepy to think that the speculum was used on another patient just a half hour before, and now it’s being used on you? Or have you never even thought about it, and now you’re pissed that I brought it up? Well, I’m kind of wondering if it would be okay to ask the doctor how the device is cleaned, or possibly to have them wash it in front of you. Like seriously, not only is it creepy, it’s also unsafe because you don’t know what kind of issues the previous patient may have down there. You want to shoot me now, don’t you?

Alright, here’s the last item, and it has nothing to do with down there. Airplane/theater seats. Do people actually clean those seats? If so, how often? What if the person before you had lice? Would lice survive on a seat? So many questions, so little time. Well, what I do know is that the next time you’re at the beach, or OB/GYN, or on an airplane/theater seat, you’ll think of me. “That bitch! Now she’s got me all paranoid. I never used to think about this shit until I read her stupid post. I hate her!”

I don’t know how I’ll be able to live with the guilt. In all seriousness, don’t leave me, okay? I’m sorry, I’ll never creep you out again.

~Lily~

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20 thoughts on “Don’t Put Too Much Thought Into This

  1. You just creeped me out especially the OBGYN…that’s why I haven’t been in over a year lol…can’t stand those things going in(TMI).

    Yea you have to turn on the tap if you are going to answer your phone while doing the doodoo…lol. You are so crazy it’s good and now I will be thinking of you when I finally man up and go to the OBGYN. Have a wonderful Friday and weekend!

    1. Me neither! Eek! I’m long overdue as well. And good, glad you acknowledge the need to turn on the tap while doing THAT. Haha.

      Thanks for accepting my crazy weirdness! Have a great weekend! 😀

  2. Haha! What really creeps me out about the OB is the the mini weighing-in ceremony of the speculum with details about its dimensions and all. I appreciate your effort, but that’s the one thing I don’t need to know the size of!

  3. Thanks for making me cautious about every little specific detail…and now I think I will never go swimming in the beach until I forget. I doubt I will forget. WHY HAVE YOU GOT TO BE SO SPECIFIC, DAMN IT D:

  4. The issue is that I was attempting to eat. Then I read the OB/GYN part. And the airplane/theater seat part. And yet, I managed to keep eating. Don’t question why I did, it has something to do with my family and how I raised.

    But thank you, so much, for these things. I would like to add in that the ocean is a giant cesspool of not just HUMAN bodily fluids, but also fish and other creatures. They do stuff in the water, too!

  5. I was okay with all of them until the airplane seat one….. and then I was like oh god, now I’m gonna wonder about this every time I fly. Maybe we should all just take first or business class from now on. I’m pretty sure the staff would at least make more effort for THOSE seats. *shudders*

    On an unrelated note, I’m liking how your Friday post and my Friday post fit into the theme of offbeat randomness. TGIF indeed! Well, for me at least. 😉

  6. Haha that OB GYN bit made me chuckle. I’m the person in the lab the doc sends the sample to once it’s taken. Thankfully here in the UK we only have the test every 3 years! An old colleague of mine once went for her pap smear and ended up with a very itchy yeast infection. She was convinced it was from the little old lady patient who’d been in directly before her. She saw the doc giving the speculum a quick rinse under the tap while she waited with her legs up! Gross! I think they use a fresh one for each patient these days and then they should be all cleaned and sterilised for another day. I hope! Love the blog btw 🙂

    1. 3 years, that sounds much better! Although here you don’t HAVE to do it every year, no one can force you. 😀 Um, that’s awfully disturbing, eek! See, I have reason to be afraid. But I really hope what you say is true, and that they use a fresh one for each patient. I really want to ask next time I go…I think patients have a right to ask. 😉 Thanks for reading! 🙂

  7. P.S. for a long time my sister wouldn’t go into the sea because someone (cough) told her the water was salty because of all that semen from sperm whales 😳

  8. Please do not feel bad for alerting me to these worries – if nobody did, I might coast through life without a care in the world and get myself killed because nobody told me to worry about which parts of the floor my be open drains or boobytraps. All your scenarios are mistakes waiting to happen, especially the OBGYN one. I’ve NEVER been to one, nor do I know what it is, where to find it, or what you were referring to when you talked about a metal speculum. Is it a fancy spatula? I don’t even have a ‘business’! Thank you for alerting me to what might have been a catastrophic embarrassment.

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