Oh, You Didn’t Mean To Put It There?

Hello lovely bloggers. I decided I wanted to blog about a subject that can be considered controversial: cheating. As in sleeping with someone who’s NOT your partner. Yeah, I can hear you all clicking the “Back” button on your browser. Come on, don’t leave. I’ve never been cheated on {that I know of…I’m adding that in there for all you skeptical people} but I still feel very strongly about this subject. It happens all the time, and it’s the subject of so many movies, TV shows, songs…it’s every-frickin-where. So why not blog about it? I know why, because people might think I’m being judgmental. That’s not what I’m going for though. Regardless…don’t take it up the woo-ha, okay?

I get really pissed off when people make excuses for cheating. “I’m sorry. I made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes.” Oh, it was a mistake? You mean you didn’t MEAN to put it THERE? You were all set to “putt” but you accidentally got it in the wrong HOLE? It was dark and you just couldn’t see? That changes everything, I totally understand. NOT!! Cheating is NOT a mistake, it’s a CHOICE. Own up to it, jerk. We’re all responsible for our actions. It’s not like cheating at a game of Chess; this is REAL life. {Chess is really hard though, so I wouldn’t blame you.}

I’m not saying you’re an awful person if you cheat; I’m only implying it. {Oh shit, you probably think I’m being judgmental.} But if you cheat and then lie about it or try to justify your actions, well…that’s kind of rotten, don’t you think? I think people who physically cheat must not realize (or care) how it affects the other person. Cheating is an utter betrayal of the relationship, that person’s trust and their feelings. What’s worse is that it shows a complete lack of respect for your partner. If nothing else, don’t you think you owe your partner at least that? {Oh, you don’t think so? That’s because you’re an ass.}

I’ll never understand why people do it. Save me all the BS about “the heat of the moment” and whatever other nonsense. Don’t put yourself in temptation’s way and then use that as an excuse. And more importantly, be honest with your partner and show them some respect. If you don’t love them anymore, or you’re flat out BORED and just looking for a good time, break up with your partner! Why are people so unwilling to break up, yet totally okay with betraying their significant other? Hmm, should I end things NOW in respect for my partner…OR…should I be awful and betray him, enjoy myself, break his heart and have this whole thing end on its own terms? Decisions, decisions. {That’s sarcasm, if you couldn’t tell.}

Now, before I get bitched at, I do understand there are people who truly regret having cheated on someone, people who are honest and have confessed what they did. I still can’t justify the cheating part, but it takes a lot of courage to own up to something like that, so I can respect that. That leads me to my next point. I’ve heard people say things like, “I know what I did was wrong, but please forgive me. Don’t you think I deserve a second chance?” WHOA. Seriously, dimwit? How on God’s green earth did you come to the conclusion that the person YOU BETRAYED owes you anything? Which part of your lovely betrayal qualifies you for a second chance? The part where you only slept with ONE other person, even though you could have slept with several people? {Aw, how considerate of you.} Yes, your partner MAY end up forgiving you, but that doesn’t mean you DESERVE it.

If my boyfriend cheated on me and I decided NOT to forgive him, would that make me a bad person? Would people JUDGE ME for being close-minded or unwilling to forgive? Would they assume that by not forgiving him, I am somehow making a statement that I expect perfection? People could think any of those things, but no, I don’t expect anyone to be perfect. However, as I mentioned previously, cheating is not a mistake, it’s a choice. I just think it’s unfortunate how often people decide to cheat. It happens so often that when you tell someone you’ve never cheated on anyone or been cheated on, they look at you like you have three heads. “Get out! Really? Never?” People just assume everyone’s done it or been through it, as if that somehow makes it okay. I don’t think it’s okay but hey, that’s just me. What do I know?

~Lily~

PS: If you’re about to unfollow me, please give me a second chance. Go look through some other posts! I hardly do this type of thing, I swear. Umm…I love you.

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33 thoughts on “Oh, You Didn’t Mean To Put It There?

  1. Let me sart by saying i love the P.S. lol.
    I have never cheated sexually…but i have emotonally and i think it’s just as bad…truth is i wasn’t thinking…i didn’t want to think. I was caught up in whatever i thought was going on in my head that this other person helped me feel better…does that excuse it…hmmm. Big NO.

    I regret it to this day…i disrespected myself and the person i was with…i look back now and wonder if i was high those times…still not an excuse. I owned up to it…felt truly bad…ask for forgiveness and also had to forgive myself for stooping so low…was a tad late but it’s all good.

    I don’t think everyone who cheats want to…stuff happens sometimes though not a good excuse, but we forgive and make it work or move on…tough though.

    1. Haha, had to add that PS just in case. Was kinda worried about posting.

      I appreciate your honesty. You’re right, there is emotional cheating too. But you know, you didn’t let it cross the line to the physical, and you regret that it happened. There are some people who go all the way and aren’t even sorry for it. That makes me so mad!

      But yeah, I know some people don’t go into a situation PLANNING on cheating…and after it happens they’re truly sorry. Like I said, I don’t mean to judge. This was more for those who don’t own up/make excuses/don’t even feel sorry.

      Thanks for reading.

  2. Aw, why would I unfollow you for speaking about this? And don’t worry, that’s how I felt when I posted my first serious blog post.

    To be honest, I’m one of the few who has never been cheated on nor have I cheated on. (Yep. You read that right. It helps that I’ve never been in a relationship. Well, I have. With food.) But you’re absolutely right. I don’t think I could forgive my partner if he cheated on me than asked me to forgive him. What’s to keep him from cheating on me again? What if I’m not the first girl he’s cheated on? Repeat offenders. You just never know. They can promise all they want that they’ll never “hurt you again” but really, you already broke my heart, why should I believe you?

    Okay, I’m going to go back to figuring out how to re-do my dragon’s color without re-doing the entire thing.

    1. Aw, thanks for staying! Yeah, it’s scary when you randomly change the tone of your blog. 😉

      Well good for you! I was beginning to think everyone in the world is a cheater/has been cheated on. And yeah, my thoughts exactly. If you forgive the person it’s almost like giving them permission to do it again, so I don’t think so! “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”

      Good luck with your dragon!

  3. I’ve never cheated on anyone. I’m not a very good liar. I’d give myself away straight away :oops::

    I hope no-one has ever cheated on me. I would find it very difficult to forgive if it happened to me. I guess if I loved that person enough, I might try to carry on and work through it but it could never be the same because trust would be gone. If he did it once, how could I trust him not to do it again? If he’s working late or away for the weekend on business, I’d be torturing myself wondering if he’s really working or if he’s with another woman. For my own sanity I think I would have to end the relationship if someone cheated on me.

    Looking at it from a different perspective – the woman having an affair with another woman’s partner – I couldn’t do that, especially if they had children ! I couldn’t find happiness in the relationship, knowing it would cause so much pain to other people when found out. And how much faith could I put in the man’s commitment to me when he had already shown himself capsable of betraying another woman’s trust to be with me?

    1. Yup, I totally hear you. As much as you love someone, being cheated on is something you can easily forget. And I agree, I’d be all paranoid too, and that’s no way to live. No trust, no relationship.

      Great point too about being the other woman. Again, some people do it and seem to feel no remorse, I don’t get it! Then sometimes the woman expects the man to end the marriage to be with her, but obviously if he cheated on someone to be with you, he’d cheat on you too! I don’t get how people don’t see that.

      Thanks for reading and commenting!

  4. I’m cheating on other blogs by diverting my time to yours. Hope that doesn’t make me a bad person, but I will be doing it again, I shall term it having a bloffair.

  5. So I think I officially love you for being 100% you and daring to talk about this “controversial” topic! 😉 I completely agree that people seem to be so afraid of breaking up with someone they no longer want to be with that somehow, they think cheating is the lesser evil. I’ve heard the “yeah I’m in a relationship but we’re not really together” excuse so many times (not that it’s ever been used on me thank goodness) that I really just want to knock some sense into people and tell them to wake up. When people don’t clear things up by communicating or making a clean break before starting another attachment, that’s when things get messy.

    Glad you wrote about this! 🙂

    1. Oh, I think you made me blush. 😳 I’m so glad you agree! I sat on this post for a while wondering how people would react to it. I agree with everything you said too…nicely put. It’s just sick that some people could think cheating is easier than being a frickin’ honest human being! I too want to knock those people out. (You said ‘knock some sense’ into them, but I know what you really meant. ;))

      Thank you as always for reading!

  6. “Cheating is an utter betrayal of the relationship, that person’s trust and their feelings. What’s worse is that it shows a complete lack of respect for your partner.”—I agree!

    I’ve been cheated on. Twice. And it was two guys too many. I tried forgiving one of them. I just couldn’t do it.

    1. I’m glad you agree! And I’m sorry you’ve been through that twice. It’s probably best you didn’t forgive them. The phrase “once a cheater, always a cheater” is probably true most of the time.

      Thanks for stopping by!

  7. I’m sorry, I did unfollow (is that a word?) you but then realised it was a huge mistake. In the minutes that we were apart I read another blog, and I have to admit I Liked it. But it wasn’t the same. I’m sorry. Please accept me back as a follower. I can change. Those brief moments when I wasn’t subscribed to your blog were the most painful of my life, but they showed me I was wrong. Please forgive me, I deserve that much…

    In all seriousness (a first for me, I’m actually nervous about being serious) I have been cheated on by 2 exes and haven’t had a serious relationship since. It’s not just that relationship that’s destroyed when someone cheats but your faith in people can take a big hit too. Now it takes a lot for me to trust someone, just because of 2 dicks (your words, not mine, although I like to think of my exes as dicks because they screwed me and I never screwed them… We’re entering a weird gender swap realm so I’ll stop typing now)

    1. I’ll make an exception just this once…I forgive you. Just don’t do that again. 😉 (You’re always so entertaining.)

      I’m sorry you’ve been through that. You’re right, that kind of thing continues affecting you in other relationships. Cheaters do much more damage than they realize. But you know, not all women are dicks. (That is weird…I should have picked a gender-free word. Ass works, ass isn’t gender-specific.) So right, back on track…good luck to you, hopefully someone will come along to heal those wounds. 🙂

      1. In all honesty I should thank my exes as they are part of the reason I am who I am (damn them!). Without them I wouldn’t have had the confidence to let anyone read the things I write (I wanted to be a writer professionally so not sure how that plan would have worked out) and the fact they made me cynical is a big part of my sense of humor. Actually, do I thank them or blame them? We’ll go with blame

        You’re also entertaining Lily, I enjoy our obscure comment conversations 🙂

        1. Aw, nothing wrong with your sense of humor. If it amuses people, how bad can it be? 😉 (Not that I’m saying you should thank those *****bags, let’s not give them credit.) Just gotta find yourself someone really sarcastic (there is nothing wrong with sarcasm)…you’ll understand each other well. 😉

          And thanks, I enjoy these chats too. 😀

    1. First, thanks for reading. Believe me, I know women cheat. In my 4th paragraph, it’s clear the woman is the one cheating. “Hmm, should I end things NOW in respect for my partner…OR…should I be awful and betray HIM, enjoy myself, break HIS heart…”

      😉

            1. Could technically go either way, the woman could “direct her man” or “put it there” lol. But being a woman, it’s perfectly understandable to write more from a woman’s perspective. However, next time I’ll be sure to clearly state my KNOWLEDGE that BOTH sexes cheat. Thanks.

  8. Hello Lily, contrary to your assumptions, this is perhaps my favourite post of yours.

    To me, cheating is a product of a lack of effort. It doesn’t matter how ‘naturally amorous’ you are: if you cheated you did not try hard enough. I, for example, find it very easy to not have sex with people; it is a particular talent of mine. As such, I believe that I should be allowed to judge people who are unfaithful, because I am such a paragon of virtue.

    1. Thanks, Chris. It’s always tricky when you post about serious stuff for a change. 😉

      I agree with everything you said. (You weren’t kidding, were you?) I too find it quite easy to not have sex with other people. Imagine that?!

      1. Oh goodness no, my approach to sexual relations is one of serious – joyless even – solemnity, as evidenced there by me referring to it as sexual relations rather than something warm and emotional and sexy.

        Seriously though, is it really so difficult to say no? And if the answer to that is yes, how are we meant to carry on? Ugh.

        1. If anything, shouldn’t it be easier to say no? It’s a slightly smaller word, therefore requiring slightly less effort. (I know, that’s bs.)

          Thanks, always good to know there are men who think like you. 😉

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