Stalker Much

Today, I thought I’d try something different. I am very into sarcasm and satires so I thought I’d write something along those lines. This is an e-mail from a lovestruck psychotic girl to her crush. And yes, it’s fiction.


From: ‘MarryMe’ <>
Sent: Friday, June 15, 2012 @ 3:00am
To: ‘MyFutureLover’ <>
Subject: Hey You!

Hi sexy John! It’s me, Layla, the hopelessly desperate girl you met 120hrs and 28min ago last week at RAVES. How have you been? I was secretly stalking you in the neighborhood and ran into one of our mutual friends, and we got to obsessing talking about you. I thought I would stalk you some more shoot you an e-mail! I hope you don’t mind…do you? Haha, I guess that’s a silly question to ask via e-mail! If you mind, you just won’t reply! Please reply, or I’ll just die. So I know this is out of blue, I’ve been thinking about this since I met you but do you think we could maybe pretty please get together again? I felt this intense connection really comfortable with you at RAVES, and I know we were hammered drinking, but hey, we had fun, right? The whole bar scene isn’t really me, I usually creep people out but it was so much fun last week! What did you think of my moves? Haha. In my head I was making love to you. How many girls do you know who are willing to jump up on the bar and dance for you? Maybe a few…but how many do it while singing karaoke love songs to you…!!! When I went to the bathroom to throw up freshen up, I had to take a few minutes to calm myself. Please marry me. I know that sounds lame, but I’ll confess you gave me butterflies. You’re so hot I want to eat you so cute and so nice…do people tell you that often? It was such a pleasure dancing and chatting with you. I want you, I need you, I dream of you. So, I think it’d be nice to see you again. I want to marry you, have your babies. No pressure, something casual. Like casual sex in a bathroom stall…or your parent’s house! There’s a cute new restaurant in town. Am I turning you on? Let me know, okay?  I love you. Take care!

Yours forever truly,



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